[Team God] (Ilunga) A Tale of Two Gods

[okami_san]

Title: A Tale of Two Gods
Prompt: Ilunga: "A person who is ready to forgive any abuse the first time, to tolerate it a second time, but never a third time."
Rating: Explicit
Tags: Parental Abuse, Blood, Lots of Blood, Murder, Gore, Slow Burn, Pining, Abuse of Authority, Major Character Death, Minor Character Death, Graphic Descriptions of Violence, Graphic Descriptions of Sex, Torture, Descriptions of War, Battles, Explicit Language, Dirty Talk, Vomit, True Names, Real Names, Fai is Yûi, Kurogane is Yôô, Original Character


Hello, everyone! This is the fanfic I wrote for the 2018 Kurofai Olympics! My theme word was Ilunga.

Brief reminder that English is not my first language, so I will probably mess up with collocations and phrasing. If you want to let me know on any mistakes I might have commited, please do so! I will gladly fix them ~after~ the Olympics end!

And lastly, a biiiig thank you to evig_sang, who was a dear and betaed the beginning of the fic ♥

I hope you enjoy it!



https://archiveofourown.org/works/15889542/chapters/37027848

~the end.


Thank you for reading! How did I do?
Please score my fic according to these guidelines:
1. How in-character was this fic? (1-10)
2. How well did this fic handle the prompt? (1-10)
3. How well did this fic fit their team’s theme? (1-10)
4. How much did you enjoy this fic overall? (1-10)
5. Was the fic tagged correctly (Yes or No)

Remember that you must provide some form of identification (a link to a blog or profile on another site will suffice) for your vote to be counted!

Comments

[(Anonymous)]

1. 9
2. I'd give you an 11 for this if I could. 10
3. 10
4. 10
5. Yep.

Thank you :)

nedoch.tumblr.com

[okami_san]

Thank you so much for reading and voting ♥

[(Anonymous)]

1. 10 gotta love kuromama too
2. 9 because idk if he forgave erine, its more like he took the blame, but maybe im just missing something
3. 10
4. 9.5 because the slow burn wasnt slow enough, but its pretty much what you can do with this length of story hence the 0.5
5. Yes i believe

subiculum.tumblr.com

[(Anonymous)]

1. How in-character was this fic? (1-10) 10
2. How well did this fic handle the prompt? (1-10) 10
3. How well did this fic fit their team’s theme? (1-10) 10
4. How much did you enjoy this fic overall? (1-10) 10
5. Was the fic tagged correctly (Yes or No) yes

tumbledrylemur.tumblr.com

[okami_san]

Thank you ♥

Mirai

[(Anonymous)]

1. 10
2. 10
3. 10
4. 10
5. Yes

https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mirai737

Buena historia, me gusto mucho.

Re: Mirai

[okami_san]

Muchas gracias ♥

[miyakodea]

1. 9
You did a really nice job getting the POV of both of them.

2. 7
The ending covered it and you stated multiple losses. However the prompt itself didn't seem to be the real focus of the story.

3. 8
You certainly thought of clever ways to include the gods. I liked how you made references to the old legends.

4. 9
I felt there were some things that could be filled out a bit more. Though that is generally the case with this competition. I very much enjoyed the story though.

5. Yes

Thanks so much for writing. For someone who learned ESL you did an amazing job! I will count myself lucky if I manage to be as fluent as you are in the second language I am studying! ...I should actually be studying right now...

[okami_san]

Thank you for reading and for giving me feedback! I admit I rushed a lot in the end because I faced some problems during the time we had to write the fic haha. I am just waiting for the voting season to finish so that I can actually write everything I was planning to and review lots of things. Hopefully it will be better in the end!

Thank you so much ♥

vote

[(Anonymous)]

7
10
10
8
yes

I thought Kurogane's characterization was a little off especially near the end but overall an enjoyable read!

Lemazayahaza@tumblr

Re: vote

[okami_san]

Oh yes, I agree with you in that haha. I will review it again once the voting seasons finish, so hopefully it will get better! Hehe. Thank you so much for reading, voting and giving me feedback! ♥

[travellinghobbit]

1. 9
2. 10
3. 10
4. 10
5. Yes

https://www.tumblr.com/blog/thetravellinghobbit

[okami_san]

Thank you! ♥

[flowerspeaks]

1. 8
2. 8
3. 9
4. 10

First of all let me just say-English is not your first language??! Your writing is incredible!!!

I think your Fai was very solid though in some bits your Kurogane seemed a bit off but it worked for this world you set them in. I did feel that your prompt was a bit rushed in the end, could have been introduced and woven into the story earlier than it did but I enjoyed how you explored the theme in this piece.

Overall I did enjoy it because I really feel like we got to see how the romance and relationship sparked and blossomed in each character. For this event being a Kurofai olympics I feel like a lot of stories take that for granted and don't actual focus on developing the relationship- so thank you for actually writing that into the narrative!! The whole time I was like "Yes- this is what I wanted- actual Kurofai!"

[okami_san]

Haha no, English is not my first language and I was soooo worried my writing would be too off for people to actually enjoy the reading... I'm glad that wasn't the case! Hahaha.

Oh, yes, I kinda rushed it (a lot) in the end when writing. I had some problems during the time we had for writing, so I just couldn't sit down and write when I was supposed to (because of the fact that I am very slow at it, I need all the time I can gather haha), but I really intend to re-write the last two chapters of the fic so that I can really make the ending I intended to, without much rush. Your feedback was lovely and so, so kind, and I appreciate it a lot! Thanks for reading and voting ♥♥♥