[TEAM MACHINES] (MOKITA) SAKURA CITY

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Title: Sakura City
Prompt: Mokita (Kivila): The truth everyone knows but agrees not to talk about.
Rating: T
Tags: Strong Language, Video Game Violence, Not Safe For Nick, Alcohol

Hi Everyone! Hope you're all having a wonderful Olympics 2018. Thanks to the mods, readers, authors and especially SempreBalla for being so generous as to share the prompt with me. 

Sakura City

Eventually, survival became sport. Fear became excitement. And very, very few remembered the danger they’d buried below.
But it lives. And it waits.
(Rated T for Fantasy Violence)

Thank you for reading! How did I do?
Please score my fic according to these guidelines:
1. How in-character was this fic? (1-10)
2. How well did this fic handle the prompt? (1-10)
3. How well did this fic fit their team’s theme? (1-10)
4. How much did you enjoy this fic overall? (1-10)
5. Was the fic tagged correctly (Yes or No)

Remember that you must provide some form of identification (a link to a blog or profile on another site will suffice) for your vote to be counted!

Comments

[sempre_balla]

1. 10
2. 10
3. 10
4. 10
5. Yes

I looooove how you interpreted a prompt I found so dark into a lighthearted story and gave it a perspective I never would've thought of! The characterization was on point, Fai saying "y'know, like nyaa" is something I never thought I needed until now, and the interactions and intimacy between Kuro and Fai were incredibly sweet and fun to read :') Also, Kurogane calling Fai "kitten" warmed my heart so much. Thank you for writing such a nice fic <3

Good work

[miyakodea]

1. 8
It was pretty Kurogane POV heavy. It was hard for me to get a feeling of Fai's character.

2. 7
You did nice plugging that there was a secret from time to time. However, the references were pretty subtle. I feel like it needed to be more obvious to better fit the prompt.

3. 8
I thought you did a good job with the mention of multiple machines and the game. However, I feel like it could have been embellished more.

4. 7
I will be honest and say that there were times I was confused by parts of it. I got lost a few times since it seemed like you were giving references to things the characters had an understanding of but the reader was in the dark about.

5. Yes

I do like your writing and I loved that you put effort into creating two different worlds in the story (complete with currency issues). If your other writing is any indication, I think that some of the confusion and choppiness I was getting was due to the competition. You made really clever quips in the story (like Fai's ear reference) that I enjoyed a lot. I will certainly go back and check out some of your stories that I haven't read yet.

vote

[(Anonymous)]

8
9
10
9
yes

I found Kurogane's friendlier public persona and some of the other characters just a little too OOC but I really liked your Fai. It was a really interesting world you created within another world. Also, I always enjoy reading your take on Kurofai as a relationship and this is no different.

Lemazayahaza@tumblr

[travellinghobbit]

1. 10
2. 10
3. 10
4. 10
5. Yes

https://www.tumblr.com/blog/thetravellinghobbit

[flowerspeaks]

1. 8
2. 8
3. 9
4. 9
yes

I loved how these two would shamelessly flirt in the virtual world for all to see but are complete and utter dorks! They are not cool and mysterious- they are nerds and I love it!! Like once they are in their virtual fur-suits they are more than will to man handle and give pet names to each other but geez irl so lame- I just eat it up.