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[Team Machines] (Won) two can play
Title: two can play
Prompt: Won (Korean): The reluctance on a person’s part to let go of an illusion.
Rating: T+
Tags: Coffeeshop AU, Virtual Reality. Content Warnings: Some violence, minor character death, depression and suicidal thoughts, murder, implied stalking, Not Safe For Nick (spoilers).
Major spoilers warning because I will be making various nods to canon events and backstories, especially Fai’s. If you are disturbed by murder and stalking, please skip the section beginning with “the story is about misfortune”. Sorry this post is a bit late, I was having formatting troubles on AO3 :')
READ ON AO3:
https://archiveofourown.org/works/15951173
Thank you for reading! How did I do?
Please score my fic according to these guidelines:
1. How in-character was this fic? (1-10)
2. How well did this fic handle the prompt? (1-10)
3. How well did this fic fit their team’s theme? (1-10)
4. How much did you enjoy this fic overall? (1-10)
5. Was the fic tagged correctly (Yes or No)
Remember that you must provide some form of identification (a link to a blog or profile on another site will suffice) for your vote to be counted!
Won
(Anonymous) 2018-09-10 11:53 am (UTC)(link)2. 10
3. 10
4. 10
5. Yes
Hermoso.
Re: Won
Re: Won
(Anonymous) 2018-09-18 12:43 am (UTC)(link)Re: Won
no subject
2. 10
3. 10
4. 10
5. Yes
This is really, really, /really/ good. The style and structure of the fic were a delight to read through, Yuui's depression was palpable and very realistic, and the progression of his relationship with Kurogane was both perfectly aligned with canon but also really coherent and self-contained in this au. Also, Kurogane's violent car pun made my day. Excellent work!!
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(Anonymous) 2018-09-11 11:10 am (UTC)(link)2- 10
3- 10
4- 10
5- Yes
This was really good. Good work!!
(yuudamari.tumblr.com)
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no subject
2 - 10
3 - 10
4 - 10
5 - Yes.
Oh... this was amazing ♥♥♥
no subject
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10! Your Yuui was so delightfully mischievous but also SO hung up on his brother and his past and his unhealthy coping mechanisms, which is just... Yuui. So genuinely caring! And so avoidant. Your Kurogane was blunt and rude and insightful and bullheadedly caring.
2. How well did this fic handle the prompt? (1-10)
10. Really excellent way of it both addressing the artifice of VR, MMOs, and Yuui's way of grieving via replacement.
3. How well did this fic fit their team’s theme? (1-10)
10. The setting of the story was all machines and the way you framed game mechanics was excellent. The element of prosthetics was a great additional touch.
4. How much did you enjoy this fic overall? (1-10)
10!!! I've always been on the lookout for Outo-as-an-actual-MMO AUs and this hit the spot, I was SO excited to see it and was not let down in the slightest! Everything I've always dreamed of and more. Thank you for writing this, it's so excellent!! Also, just a little thing, I always really love when people write Fai as Sakura's tutor or teacher because I love those two. Overall there was so much I liked about this fic - especially Fai and Kurogane's reconciliation, which was really excellent on both sides.
5. Was the fic tagged correctly (Yes or No)
Yes
no subject
I'm glad you found them IC! I was a bit nervous it wouldn't work well since they're in a different setting with less dramatic stakes, so it's nice to know they still seemed like themselves.
And I always wanted to write Outo as an MMO so it's nice to know other people wanted to read it! I'd like to write more for this AU some day since I had a lot of ideas that I didn't include due to lack of time, not-fitting-the-plot, and Fai's POV limited some of the interactions I could write.
no subject
(Anonymous) 2018-09-15 10:06 pm (UTC)(link)2. 10
3. 10
4. 10
5. Yes
The interactions felt very real... especially when the two finally met irl.
I did like the idea of Kurogane having a more "normal" eye colour outside of the game.
I also really loved the idea of the brothers sharing the account and leaving each other surprises! So sweet!
(And congrats for making an AU version of the tragic backstory that's just as heartbreaking)
(Blueberrypancaaaakes on tumblr)
no subject
Nice Job
I haven't read any of you work before and I was quite pleased with it.
Now for the judgement.
1. 9
I feel the characters were pretty well fleshed out. There was maybe a bit of ...depth missing? The progression of their relationship was very well done for the length of the story.
2. 8
I felt that the prompt was pretty well done. However, I feel as if it could have had more of a focus. It was wonderfully sprinkled here and there which made for a good progression though.
3. 6
Sorry for this one. I felt the machine part was covered but was more to do with the setting (the virtual world) than the story itself. It was more that it was 'just there' than it was a real focus or driving force. Though the shared character was a brilliant touch.
4. 9
I enjoyed your story. I loved the comedy that you threw in and I laughed multiple times. The point dock was for the use of 'politer'. While I am aware some parts of the world use that word, I am used to "more polite" being the correct form. The usage of the world just jarred me out of the story a bit.
5. Yes
Overall very nice work. I will certainly look into you other stories.
Re: Nice Job
1. That's fair! I felt like I didn't develop the characters as much as I could have, but that's my fault for not managing my time well enough ahaha.
2. Yeah that makes sense! I think I probably could have paced it a bit better considering the story length? It wasn't as long as I originally planned it to be due to time, so I could have tightened the focus a bit more. If I ever participate again, I uh won't leave most of the fic to the last day kljgfg.
3. No don't worry, you don't have to apologize! I agree that I could have focused on the machine part more. I ran out of time near the end so I just focused on completing the fic even though it wasn't so great with this category. I think I ended up getting stuck on how to include it without shoving it in people's faces, so I'd like to revisit this AU someday and flesh it out more when I'm not panicking about a deadline. I appreciate the honest feedback!
4. Oh I actually never even knew "more polite" was considered more correct in some places, so I learned something new today! I'm happy you liked it overall.
Hopefully one day I'll have more TRC fics for you to read! I don't write very often (I usually draw in fandoms instead) so it's nice to know that somebody still wants to check out my work anyways, even if it's not what I'm very experienced with.
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2.8
3.10
4.10
5.Yes
https://www.tumblr.com/blog/thetravellinghobbit
vote
(Anonymous) 2018-09-23 04:05 am (UTC)(link)10
10
10
yes
What a beautifully paced piece! I really enjoyed how it had elements of both a canon and AU Outo. The Subaru joke made me laugh and Yuui's depression made me sad.
Lemazayahaza@tumblr
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2. 8
3. 8
4. 9
yes
I feel like you have a very strong representation of character, prompt and theme through out your fic. Your natural progression leading up to the big reveal was great! I felt like Fai reaction was completely warranted- Kurogane was being rather nosey and pushy! Although the past part with Yuui was confusing for me since I wasn't sure who the ex was referring to but really I guess that wasn't important.
I love how you ended your fic- it was a sweet ending.