kurofai | [Team Canon] (Flying through the Clouds) Zenebatos

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[Team Canon] (Flying through the Clouds) Zenebatos

Prompt: Flying through the Clouds
Title: Zenebatos
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: Spoilers for the Tokyo arc. Set a few weeks after the events of Tokyo, so angst by the truckload. Blood-drinking. Persistent UST. Mood Whiplash!
Author’s Note: Finished! Actually, I do not know if I am happy with how it turned out. This fic had grandiose dreams of being a much larger fic. I think it feels like it is condensed.
I told Xia-chama that I would be doing angst, but it turns out I cannot do straight angst, so I have no idea what mood the reader should feel while reading this.
Thanks to Zelinxia I had fun with this challenge. She was my favorite cheerleader for the Olympics.

Then again, she is always my favorite cheerleader 9D

EDIT: Sorry guys for the major problems with my fic. Html thought that I wanted my </cut> tag replaced with a </div> tag and turned my fic to a horrible mess, every single time I changed it. I finally got that sorted, but for a while I debated just taking my fic off and reposting it mess free. Again, sorry for the ugly unreadable mess. I didn't know until Zelinxia pointed it out.

IMPORTANT: I posted my fic in my own journal. If you like to vote, just post in this Kurofai entry, not in the link below. This is for the Olympics sake. If you like to just comment, though, comment anywhere you like.

(Continue?)

Thank you so much for getting this far with me.
Please score my fic according to these guidelines:
1. How well did this fic fulfill the prompt? (1-10)
2. How Original was this fic? (1-10)
3. How much did I enjoy this fic overall? (1-10)

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

A flying city full of steampunky absentminded professors? Awesome! They reminded me of the sparks from Girl Genius. Love for this world. I like that you set it between Tokyo and Infinity, I've always felt like we were missing a few worlds there. It's such a painful time for all of them. I liked the awkwardness between them and that Kurogane kept forgetting that this Syaoran hadn't experienced the things they had. Yikes on that bite...I can see why he took up cutting himself for feedings.
I do see what you mean about it feeling condensed though, I felt like they didn't interact enough. At the same time the abruptness of the ending is because of the clones actions and fits the timeframe very well. Also ouch.

1. How well did this fic fulfill the prompt? (1-10)

10

2. How Original was this fic? (1-10)

9

3. How much did I enjoy this fic overall? (1-10)

7

Thanks for the votes. I had a nightmare where I received the worst possible feedback, lukewarm reception sprinkled with contempt, so I was nervous. I really should know better. Then fandom is not that cruel.

Steampunk is awesome. I didn't know I liked it until I read Faren and Uakari's steampunk fics and was sold instantly. If I had wrote an au, I might have expanded a lot in this world.

They reminded me of the sparks from Girl Genius.
I haven't seen it, but the characters sound interesting. The floating island is a homage to Gulliver's Travels, but with a more likable civilization. I also used a song from the Legend of Dragoon videogame "If you still believe" for inspiration. In return, I named the city Zenebatos from that game as a nod to one of my favorite games in history.

It is a very short time in this world :( I do wish they interacted more. I kind of fell in love with this version of Satsuki. I planned the abrupt ending but was going to write more substance in between, but it did not go as planned.

I had a nightmare where I received the worst possible feedback, lukewarm reception sprinkled with contempt, so I was nervous.

Oh no, that sounds horrible! *hugs* You haven't got anything to worry about, this world was great and I would love to see more if you decide to revise and add the things your time constraints wouldn't allow.

They reminded me of the sparks from Girl Genius.
I haven't seen it, but the characters sound interesting.

It's a webcomic so it's all online :)
Girl Genius
It's a fun story and has some great characters.

Girl Genius!

The story is kind of slow, but how in the world did I live my life before jagermonsters? Thanks for the link. *hugs*

ANOTHER CONVERT! *sets of fireworks*

Careful. I learned from Girl Genius that anything that explodes is comically dangerous.

Yep, the Jagermonsters are my favorites too. Oggie <3

1 - 9
2 - 8
3 - 7

Lots of UST and flying islands, oh my. I was rather amused at their cavalier approach to property damage and physical damage.

Interesting world set up, and a tragic ending. I think this story could have benefited a bit by having more time to flesh out more parts of it.

Overall, I enjoyed it. Good job. :)

Thanks for finding the time to score fics. That is very helpful now.

I think it was obvious that I started out very ambitious, but things got in the way at the last moment. I did have idea for parts that I just could not find a way to fit in, ten pages of deleted scenes o_O, but it all didn't fit. At the very least, I kept those scenes, and the parts I do have, I am very happy with.

Ah, love how Kurogane got told by Kakyo. "But...you're just like us too." And so much good angst. :3 The setting kind of reminded me of Howl's Moving Castle with how everything was all steam punk and convolutedly maze like, and that that hallway with the clouds and the fear of death. I really loved the beginning too, Fai being "i got nothing" but still being all gentlemanly to the princess.

1. How well did this fic fulfill the prompt? 10.

2. How Original was this fic? 9.

3. How much did I enjoy this fic overall? 9

Thank you. I am not used to doing angst, but if it makes you sad, I am happy. ^.^ That sounded evil. Well, all angst writers are evil.

For Fai and the princess, I analyzed the parts between Tokyo and Infinity because there are such subtle differences in their personalities. I noticed that in Infinity, Sakura laid face down on her pillow, when before Mokona said she would toss around in Rekourt.

Coincidentally, I adore all of Studio Ghibli films. I cannot say it is as messed up as Howl's, but the scientists really know nothing about architectural design. If it fits build it.

Well if angst writers are evil, then I'm half demon incarnate. >:3D

It was the smallest thing, but the *O* between your paragraphs made me giggle every time. Which was terribly innapropriate considering the angst content of the fic XDDD

Great fic, loved the scientists and their crazy attachment to killing themselves to further their hypotheses! Really cool world you invented. Gah, Kurogane forgetting which Syao they had with them was sad. And Fai being all cold. And Sakura adopting Fai's sleeping position in order to hide the tears...

Even though it's tragic, I love the ending. They've never had to abandon a world to such a fate before, especially to the murderous clone. Adds to the angst.

If you ever expand, I will happily read more!

1. How well did this fic fulfill the prompt? 10
2. How Original was this fic? 9
3. How much did I enjoy this fic overall? 8

I hope I can find time soon to expand. If I do, I should keep the *O*. Centering them screwed up the format, but I might be able to find a way around that. Besides, they are cuter than page dividers.

They've never had to abandon a world to such a fate before

Celes by far was the worst. This country was before that time though. My angst will never match up to canon angst.

Sorry I passed your comment right by. I have not been all there. I discovered it today when I finally looked over my alerts and cleaned my messages on dreamwidth. I was wondering what that extra score came from ^.^;;

Yes, definitely keep the *O* XD

When I wrote that (it was very late at night) and my reasoning was that Celes was pretty damn awful when Ashura killed a lot of people, but didn't Fai let a lot of them escape to another country?
(I may have forgotten the fact that when it all imploded, it was likely the whole dimension that got crushed into a singularity thus killing everyone that Fai had previously saved... I may need to write an angsty fic about that.)
Canon angst is indeed angsty XD

And no problem (^^)

Interesting! I liked the setting, and the way you brought up how not all the worlds the travellers come to share the same mindsets/routes of thinking that they themselves do. I'd've liked to have seen more of exactly what the feather was doing/being used for in this, but the fact it stays pretty-much offscreen also works here. The drama's all on the little group of travellers, and their rather crushed spirits.

1. 10
2. 9
3. 8

Actually, I was looking for some way to write a story where they revisited the world with the rabbit people, as they showed to have the most different way of thinking. Also, that world was not expanded on as much as I thought it would be, considering that Fai and Kurogane suspected that they were deceptive little creatures not from the world. I was disappointed, so I wrote another world with different logic..., and did not expand on it as much as I could have. DX Oh, the irony! *swoons*

It's true, we never really did find out exactly what was going on there, did we? Like the vampire twins/Fuuma/Seishirou sideplot, it's something that begs to be expanded upon...

Definitely that. I was not around for most of the anticipation for the new Tsubasa chapters, but I was around for the ending, and I was around to hear the fandom beg to know what happened to the vampires.

I have a weird feeling that will be answered, somehow.

The setting was amazing, I loved that enchanted, flying city! I'd have loved to see them interact more with the city itself, I think - apart from the feather, there seemed to be little of actual use to them. :p It still was beautifully written, and I adore the world building you did! :DDD And Syaoran barrelling into the platform flying sideways made me laugh out loud! XD

1. 10
2. 9
3. 7

=3

The Syaoran scene was actually my favorite too. I hope Maybe I am just having a difficult time with dense plots, and this was the wrong time to try and tackle something dense, as I enjoyed the lighter scenes better.

1. How well did this fic fulfill the prompt? 10
2. How In-Character was this fic? 8
3. How much did I enjoy this fic overall? 9

Thank you for the votes and taking the time to read the fic.

Gaah I wanted to tell you everything I liked here, but I would probably keep forgetting things and this would get too long... I agree with some of the comments that this felt a little too condensed, but I enjoyed it nevertheless and if you ever feel like revising it I'll surely read it again :D At the same time, the abruptness of the ending matched how, sometimes, their stay in a world would be put to an end faster than they thought.

The world was interesting and fun, (Satsuki being all stoic and stuff is a win, I always like her more in fanfic than in canon) but at the same time, the fact that they kept finding people from Tokyo stated very clearly the mood and how much the events affected them. Mokona conforting Kurogane is always precious. Kurogane being vulnerable and desperate to save Fai, to help him in some way, even pleading. Fai feeling disgusting, and saving Kurogane because of his brother's memory, how he allowed himself to smile at his protectivness, when he wasn't looking... Their scenes together were so sad, so full of angst and UST, but were also really well written! You even found a (sad) explanation on why Fai sleeps with his face buried in the pillow! This fits well in the gap that seems to exist between Tokyo and Infinity. Also, I liked how the end and the beginning matched, Kurogane and his childhood dreams of flying, Fai, being able to fly, but living a nightmare, and how it related to the theme.

1. How well did this fic fulfill the prompt? 10
2. How Original was this fic? 9
3. How much did I enjoy this fic overall? 8

Satsuki was an interesting case. I cannot say I am too attached to her in canon, but I put her in fanfic, and her chemistry with Kurogane and complete stoic-ness to the chaos of the setting just really took over. Then I realized I had a Kurofai story to write. It is actually the first time I wrote Satsuki's character, or any of the X characters. They can be complex, especially when you consider alternate versions of them.

Besides the characterization, the thing I fretted over most was how well it fit withing TRC's time frame. I still might have got one or two details wrong, but I am glad I did my research and tried to make it seem like it fit.

Also, I liked how the end and the beginning matched, Kurogane and his childhood dreams of flying, Fai, being able to fly, but living a nightmare, and how it related to the theme.

Cheated and wrote the beginning and ending at the same time. XD I do not always do this, but since I had a time frame, and I knew where I wanted the story to go. I love this part, as it was always planned.

Thank you for the amazingly detailed review and the scoring. I am also sorry it took so long to reply.

1. How well did this fic fulfill the prompt? (9)
2. How original was this fic? (9)
3. How much did I enjoy this fic overall? (7)

Somehow you already had me when you mentioned Kurogane's acceptance of possibly dangerous cucumbers.

*big grin*

This is definitely my kind of world, all the experiments, all the shiny distractions, all the randomness in the world to explore and not a soul to protest! *dreamy look*

Oh yes, the KuroFai was cool too. Especially because you made Fai's first meal as a vampire so traumatizing. Now he definitely has a reason to NOT wait till it's too late anymore.. *shudder* Kurogane falling was a great scene and I really look forward to you eventually extending this storyverse!

A world in between Tokyo and Infinity.. one of my favourite time frames, as it leaves so many possibilities and you definitely delivered something cool in between!

1. 10 in all the right ways! *thumbs up*
2. 10 it was hilarious and cracky and tragic and intriguing and everything that was hinted at in canon, but never explicetly shown was in there for the characters... GREAT
3. 10 .. I get the feeling that I give out 10s more easily the more I read because the excitement sort of gets me carried away... lucky for you? xD

Glad you enjoyed it! *is swept away by excitement* More scores, precious scores!

*serious face*

I am floored by the feedback I receive about this world. People actually like it as much as I do. I almost feel like the angst got in the way. Emotionally healthy Fai would have had a ball interacting with everyone. However, he was too busy being a vampire.

I was always curious about the first feeding, wondering if they did it the natural-vampy way, which I am extremely uncomfortable with. I do not know why I wrote that scene when I am uncomfortable with traditional vampires, most vampires really. X_X

I remember why I wrote it, JUST for the Kurogane falling scene. I had it in my head, and had to work the whole world and plot to accommodate it. XD At least my effort to push Kurogane off of high things was appreciated.

Such a painful time for all of them. Each one feeling guilty for one thing or another and hurting so terribly much.

1. 10
2. 10
3. 9

Sorry for the hurt. The time frame really demanded it. I kind of feel evil for writing it. I had to add more angst and more death to that time. O_o

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[Team Canon] (Flying through the Clouds) Zenebatos

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