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kurofai2013-05-08 05:13 pm
sotongsotong) wrote in kurofai2013-05-08 05:13 pm
Entry tags:
[FIC} an old voice in my head (that's holding me back)
A/N: Written while getting feels-high on Richard Siken and the song ‘Little Talks’. Excuse that ‘Peter Pan’ reference, let’s pretend that the vast libraries of Ceres had a folk tale similar to it and that Fai might have come across it ;) *brick’d* There will be a sequel to cover the events in Infinity and so forth. Concrits are always welcomed with open arms! (Forgive that weird-looking cut tag, I'm still confused by 'em)
Fai could be
a) a name
b) a (corpse) twin
c) a temporary you
*
I
But we’d be even happier if you smiled, a child, cherubic, and oddly enough, freckled despite the icy weather, had once told you.
(And wasn’t she just the picture of childish radiance?)
I’m not good at smiling, I’m not used to it, you had explained then.
Ironically, it becomes a far cry in the years to pass.
*
II
To distract a person is not a monumental task: you simply quirk up a blinding smile, let sweet nothingsthatneednotevenbefromtheheart slither through your lips in lilting soft tones, and shut your eyes (because they are traitorous little mirrors to a soul).
All it takes is a little practice, a little gloss, a little shine (and perhaps, a little remorse) to humour the ladies and gentlemen that have come your way, and each acquaintance teaches you to build and mend a facade so smooth and unassumingly detached.
(the holes riddle your heart instead)
*
III
The king is drenched in red.
(He is a murderer)
The king is no longer himself.
(He is a monster)
The king is asleep.
(He is your ticking crocodile)
At least, have pleasant dreams while you sleep, you pray.
And then, you flee.
*
IV
You begin a journey with a boy, a girl, a ‘Mokona’ -– and such a grouchy puppy, the girl’s feathered memories becoming the main objective in this multi-dimensional treasure hunt.
(a piece from your past clicks into play and the stakes have never been so high)
It is straight back to business; you pull wool, cover their eyes, spin lies, and vomit idle chatter. You become a good-natured fool to three of them, and a worst nightmare to the other because nothing sets distances too far to be bridged better than idiocy.
It should not be any different from before.
(“don’t listen to a word I say” beseech your stubborn eyes, so you close them tight)
Yet it is.
*
V
You discover that you have developed soft spots for an uncertain number of things.
(like impatient huffs)
(like tenacious brown eyes)
(like cheerful determination)
(like a tiny bundle of joy)
(like every single thing you are not)
It is imperative to remember what you are really here for, and to not get carried away.
(bad people are not supposed to like good things anyway)
*
VI
‘Fa’’ is not a good person.
(he’s not, he’s not, he’s good, he’s sunshine, he’s dead)
And you are ‘Fai.
(just for now, never forever)
‘Fai’ is lonely.
(“But, I’m always happy!” )
And you are ‘Fai’.
(it is killing you when the lines blur so dreadfully)
*
VII
It is a tad amusing to note that despite the diverse barrage of nicknames you grace Kurogane with, he only comes up with “idiot mage!” in turn.
*
VIII
What is even more amusing is how often you both are thrown into situations together no matter the personal differences.
But too much of something or anything, has never boded well.
The ninja gets to know you better.
(look how transparent you are now)
*
Puppies are
a) growly
b) unruly
c) unerringly observant
*
IX
There is an old voice in your head that is holding you back.
(“what will hurt you most is your own kindness,Yuui”)
It does not make any sense because when has misfortune ever been kind?
You only want the smiles upon Sakura-chan’s and Syaoran-kun’s faces to remain where they are.
Kuro-sama is a notable exception, of course. After all, Kuro-chan is not Kuro-tan without his usual scowls.
(so how far are you willing to keep it so?)
*
X
Unexpectedly far it seems.
(howstupid reckless of you)
*
XI
Let it never be said that you do not practice good etiquette; you make it a point to apologise to Kurogane before it got too late.
Sorry, you say, then force your trembling lips up.
(it is not much of a parting gift but beggars can’t be choosers)
(or so it was supposed to be)
Shockingly, the ninja has other ideas. He does not let you go.
He saves you and keeps you on the face of earth instead.
*
XII
You do not stop people from making bridges to get to you anymore; in place, you burn them down with an enthusiasm that cannot be explained.
(“Good morning, Kurogane”)
I’m alive, but monsters are always hungry, darling.
-- Richard Siken
Fai could be
a) a name
b) a (corpse) twin
c) a temporary you
*
I
But we’d be even happier if you smiled, a child, cherubic, and oddly enough, freckled despite the icy weather, had once told you.
(And wasn’t she just the picture of childish radiance?)
I’m not good at smiling, I’m not used to it, you had explained then.
Ironically, it becomes a far cry in the years to pass.
*
II
To distract a person is not a monumental task: you simply quirk up a blinding smile, let sweet nothings
All it takes is a little practice, a little gloss, a little shine (and perhaps, a little remorse) to humour the ladies and gentlemen that have come your way, and each acquaintance teaches you to build and mend a facade so smooth and unassumingly detached.
(the holes riddle your heart instead)
*
III
The king is drenched in red.
(He is a murderer)
The king is no longer himself.
(He is a monster)
The king is asleep.
(He is your ticking crocodile)
At least, have pleasant dreams while you sleep, you pray.
And then, you flee.
*
IV
You begin a journey with a boy, a girl, a ‘Mokona’ -– and such a grouchy puppy, the girl’s feathered memories becoming the main objective in this multi-dimensional treasure hunt.
(a piece from your past clicks into play and the stakes have never been so high)
It is straight back to business; you pull wool, cover their eyes, spin lies, and vomit idle chatter. You become a good-natured fool to three of them, and a worst nightmare to the other because nothing sets distances too far to be bridged better than idiocy.
It should not be any different from before.
(“don’t listen to a word I say” beseech your stubborn eyes, so you close them tight)
Yet it is.
*
V
You discover that you have developed soft spots for an uncertain number of things.
(like impatient huffs)
(like tenacious brown eyes)
(like cheerful determination)
(like a tiny bundle of joy)
(like every single thing you are not)
It is imperative to remember what you are really here for, and to not get carried away.
(bad people are not supposed to like good things anyway)
*
VI
‘Fa’’ is not a good person.
(he’s not, he’s not, he’s good, he’s sunshine, he’s dead)
And you are ‘Fai.
(just for now, never forever)
‘Fai’ is lonely.
(“But, I’m always happy!” )
And you are ‘Fai’.
(it is killing you when the lines blur so dreadfully)
*
VII
It is a tad amusing to note that despite the diverse barrage of nicknames you grace Kurogane with, he only comes up with “idiot mage!” in turn.
*
VIII
What is even more amusing is how often you both are thrown into situations together no matter the personal differences.
But too much of something or anything, has never boded well.
The ninja gets to know you better.
(look how transparent you are now)
*
Puppies are
a) growly
b) unruly
c) unerringly observant
*
IX
There is an old voice in your head that is holding you back.
(“what will hurt you most is your own kindness,
It does not make any sense because when has misfortune ever been kind?
You only want the smiles upon Sakura-chan’s and Syaoran-kun’s faces to remain where they are.
Kuro-sama is a notable exception, of course. After all, Kuro-chan is not Kuro-tan without his usual scowls.
(so how far are you willing to keep it so?)
*
X
Unexpectedly far it seems.
(how
*
XI
Let it never be said that you do not practice good etiquette; you make it a point to apologise to Kurogane before it got too late.
Sorry, you say, then force your trembling lips up.
(it is not much of a parting gift but beggars can’t be choosers)
(
Shockingly, the ninja has other ideas. He does not let you go.
He saves you and keeps you on the face of earth instead.
*
XII
You do not stop people from making bridges to get to you anymore; in place, you burn them down with an enthusiasm that cannot be explained.
(“Good morning, Kurogane”)
I’m alive, but monsters are always hungry, darling.
-- Richard Siken
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I can't wait to see more of this!
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Your comment really made my day so thank you! <3 I confess, it was my intention to make this as painful as possible to the readers so I guess it being called 'cruel' is a positive sigh ahahaha XD yesh, strikethroughs are aweshum when used right! >D
Will do my best to get to work on it ASAP! <3
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<lj-cut text="Fai"><i>Fai could be</i>
Sadly you can't put italics within a cut tag, which is why it got all confused and backfired on you.
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OAO ....I SEE. Thanks for pointing out my mistake! :D I'll correct it right away! And thank you for thinking it's good enough to reccommend on tumblr <3 *flails happily*