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kurofai2012-01-14 06:06 pm
Inspiration yay!
Part: 17
Author: sweetjerry
Rating: PG-13
Spoilers: lmfao au
Warnings: A bit of angst. Mentions of character death. And then some herp derp.
Summary: A lost princess. A mage running from his past. A crippled warrior doing his best to forget the man he used to be. And a young man carrying a terrible curse. All of them are inevitably drawn into an adventure where love might save them... or doom them..
Notes: What did I tell you? As soon as I got the beginning of that other fic out of my system, inspiration struck! Well, not as immediately as I would've liked, and it took me a while to write this but YAY. Also ARGH do you have any idea how hard it is to avoid calling Little Cat "Sakura" when I really shouldn't?
Cut quote from "Last word to Childhood" by A. S. J. Tessimond.
~*~*~
It was evening, and the moisture from the sea breeze crept into their clothes and dampened both spirits and skin. Oppressive clouds had hovered over them all day, threatening with rain but so far doing nothing more than to grumble far off in the distance. Fai hated wet weather in general, and on top of it he was rather wrung out after keeping up a strong magic shield throughout several days and nights.
Not that the exercise drained his magic particularly – after having used no magic for so long, the buildup of excess power was pretty massive even after his little mishap with Syaoran. And even before that, it wouldn’t have been much of a drain on his powers. But the mental strain was something completely different. Although he could sleep while keeping the spell active, it made his sleep fitful and not very satisfying. The distinction between sleep and wakefulness was starting to blur, and he was feeling the effect.
Now another white lie told to – and subsequently discovered by – Little Cat had lead to a spat, and his daughter stomping off along the beach in a huff, hesitantly followed by Syaoran. And as if that wasn’t enough, Kurogane was staring at him. Pointedly. Finally, he could no longer pretend not to notice, and that in itself was a sure sign that he was tired.
“Does Kuro-berry want something?” he demanded, rinsing their skillet in sea water.
“You coddle her,” the warrior said, abrupt as always, eyes boring holes in Fai’s back.
Fai laughed softly. “Excuse me? She’s a criminal. I wouldn’t say that raising her as a burglar means I’ve coddled her, or?”
“Her being a criminal only proves my point,” Kurogane replied flatly.
This time Fai actually turned around to look at him in surprise, eyebrows raised. “I’m afraid you’re really not making much sense at all now, Kuro-sweet. What do you mean?”
Kurogane snorted, stretching his legs out as he leaned against the side of the steep rocks shielding them from view. “I mean exactly what I just said. She’s grown up a criminal, and still she’s the most naive kid I’ve ever met.” He held up his hand, anticipating Fai’s interruption before he even managed to open his mouth. “I ain’t talking about that sunny-smily personality of hers. That’s just how she is, and considering her dad I guess it was kinda inevitable.”
“Than what are you talking about?” Fai demanded, and was surprised to hear a waspish edge sneak into his voice. He really must be tired. Kurogane seemed to notice it too, because he actually smiled for a split second, before once more turning serious.
“She’s vulnerable.” He turned to look in the direction Little Cat had left, frowning. “You’ve taught her to steal and you’ve taught her to fight but you haven’t… taught her. Not properly. Because you’ve lied to her about everything that’s difficult and everything that’s painful. Like the assassination mission. Like your magic.” He gave Fai a very direct look, one he could just barely avoid squirming away from. “You haven’t told her about your past, about your twin, about anything, because that’s hard, and you just don’t wanna have to deal with it.”
Fai forced his lips into a smile, looking away. “She’s just a child, Kuro-toffee.”
The warrior made a rough, amused sound. “A kid, huh? You think she’s old enough to fight grown men. You think she’s old enough to be eating the kind of herbs women eat to make sure they won’t have to deal with accidental motherhood.” The warrior’s attention to every small detail never ceased to be wildly unsettling, as far as Fai was concerned. “You treat her like an adult except for one thing. You won’t allow her to prepare herself for the fact that people are bastards. And that’s not doing her any favor, and you know it.”
Fai shook his head, looking away, but he had no reply. Kurogane’s words were eating right through his defenses, and he had no way of explaining, of defending what he’d done. I just wanted her to think well of the world, sounded so… empty.
And then Kurogane spoke again, and Fai’s head snapped up so fast that it was just short of painful, because his voice sounded almost… soft. As soft as an impatient growl could, anyway. “Look… the girl can walk up to a heavily armed man and kick him in the chin like it’s nothing. But she’s been isolated like fuck, you’ve gotta realize this. The only one she’s had around to learn about what people are like is you. And I know that you really wouldn’t agree with this, but I don’t give a shit so I’ll say it anyway. You’re a decent sort of man. You’re kind. A bit too kind sometimes. And so she’s learned only about kindness. And the moment someone hurts something she loves, or someone she loves hurts her… she’s not gonna know what to do. She’s all set up to be disappointed by life. She’s basically just one big accident waiting to happen, and you know it.”
Fai sighed, getting to his feet under the pretence of drying and re-packing the skillet, but really just because he needed something else to do than just stare at the other man before the situation turned more awkward than it already was. “And how do you propose I tell her, then? I am quite sure that you never needed to tell Syaoran, but I would be grateful for any insights nonetheless.”
“You aren’t really that dumb, so stop acting it,” Kurogane retorted irritably. “Of course you can’t sit a kid down and just say ‘people are assholes’ and expect it to work. But what you can do is not to lie to them. ‘Cause sooner or later they are going to have to experience shit for themselves, and if someone’s been honest with them about things, at least they’ll be prepared.”
Fai spent a long time letting his eyes roam over the grey-green-white surface of the sea, jagged and harsh-looking in the rising wind, collecting his thoughts. But the conclusion that emerged at the end probably wasn’t what Kurogane had been looking for. Nonetheless, he turned back to the warrior, his head tilted in thought. “Will you tell me, Kuro-treat? It seems only fair, after all. I told you about me.”
No, that clearly wasn’t the reaction Kurogane had expected. He just stared for a moment, frowning, and finally managed a, “The hell?”
“Will you tell me about your parents? About what happened when you found out that people are bastards?” He allowed his smile to fade for a change, and stood solemn and unblinking under Kurogane’s withering glare. Then the warrior made a disgusted sound and looked away.
“That’s why I don’t like you acting like you’re an idiot,” he said, voice strangely flat. “You ain’t. You’re far too fucking clever by halves, if anything.”
“Tell me,” Fai repeated softly, hesitating only a moment before sinking into a crouch next to Kurogane, waiting. “Tell me what happened.”
A tense stretch of silence followed, and then Kurogane shrugged his one good shoulder, turning his gaze toward the blackening clouds overhead. “People happened. You know how I said that my dad was the best blacksmith that village had ever had, so they could do shit-all about mother being a ‘Nihon witch’?”
Fai nodded.
“Yeah, well, turned out that wasn’t going to work forever.”
“A blight,” Fai guessed after a few seconds of oppressive silence. “Or disease.”
“Both,” came the curt answer. “First a year or so of dry weather, barely nothing growing, animals dying in the fields in summer and in the snow in winter. Then things looked like they might get better, until late summer, when the rain turned so heavy that it washed all the crops away.” He shook his head. “My mother and father would’ve been pretty well set-up regardless. They had money put away. Didn’t need to rely on the land. But they worked themselves to the bone on the fields like the rest of the village whenever they had time, and they took a huge portion of that money to buy new critters for those who had none left.”
For all that his words and eyes were hard and cold as ice, there was a strange vulnerability in the disappointment in Kurogane’s voice, as if he’d really expected people to be grateful. He probably had, as a child. Seeing any kind of weakness in the warrior was… strange, but Fai found himself guiltily enjoying it.
“And then that winter the plague came. The flooding made the water bad or something, and people started sickening and dying everywhere. Once some people started getting it, other people caught it, and before long the whole place stank of death and shit.” He shuddered, the memory obviously still very vivid. “The thing is, my mom knew a thing or two about doctorin’, and she tried to teach people. And what d’you think happened?”
Fai pressed his lips together for a moment, feeling faintly nauseous. “People saw that your family was the only one untouched by disease. They saw that heeding her advice made them better again. And they decided it was her fault.”
“Yeah. That’s what happened.” Kurogane’s eyes looked almost black now in the dimming light, and Fai thought that they’d have to go look for the children if they didn’t come back soon. But not quite yet. “They came at night. They must’ve gotten dad in his sleep, but mom was still up, like every night, preparing boiled water and salt and herbs for those ungrateful bastards. And she must’ve heard something, and maybe she’d been waiting for this to happen, ‘cause she ran to my room. Got me out through the window and told me to run like hell was at my heels, right when they kicked the door in. I saw them club her from behind, and then my legs took over and I just ran. But I could hear the fire behind me. I could smell it in the air even when I couldn’t hear it anymore.”
He said this almost dispassionately, but the anger that ran through every word, like a thin line of scorching red, could’ve melted steel and out-blazed stars. He wasn’t hiding his anger, or the grief that lay beneath it. But there was no way of properly expressing it, so he didn’t bother. Fai had a feeling Kurogane knew what he was thinking, but if he did, he didn’t call attention to it. He just let Fai draw his own conclusions, and compare this against his own methods whether he liked to or not. It would’ve been nice to hate him for it, but Fai found that he couldn’t. Instead he found that he was bursting with intrusive questions, questions he just couldn’t ask.
Are you angry with your parents? Did they lie to you to protect you? Do you resent them for not preparing you for what happened? Are you ashamed to feel this way?
He couldn’t ask, because Kurogane hadn’t said, Okay, then what happened to your twin? He’d never asked what the deal his parents struck with the Mage’s Circle actually had entailed. Or how this came together with him being on the run now.
He hadn’t asked if there was any truth to the Valerian superstition.
So instead of asking, instead of saying he was sorry as if it actually meant something, he opted for reaching out and lightly resting his hand on Kurogane’s shoulder. The warrior tensed for a moment, and Fai was half-expecting to be rejected, but then he once more relaxed. He breathed in deeply, eyes closing as he tilted his head back. A moment later, a light drizzle started to fall. Fai remained where he was, ignoring how his hair glued itself in sticky, cold strands against his neck, ignoring how his legs started to cramp, fingers curling slightly around Kurogane’s shoulder. He could feel his warmth through the worn fabric of his shirt. He really should go see where Little Cat and Syaoran had gone, but... not quite yet.
~*~*~
“I... really don’t think we should be doing this,” he muttered back, shifting awkwardly. The scrawny shrubbery which they had hidden behind, fighting for its survival from a barren patch of sandy soil, didn’t offer much in the way of cover, and Little Cat sent him a stern glare until he stopped fidgeting. He sighed in resignation, his eyes darting back to their respective parents. “I don’t know what they could be talking about. They don’t look too happy, though.”
“I don’t know...” Her father was looking serious, certainly, but not like he was actually unhappy. He smiled when he was unhappy, or his face went all blank. He looked a bit... sorry, perhaps, as if he was thinking about something sad, but there was something peaceful about him too. And while Kurogane had for a moment looked really angry, he now looked like he was resting, like some terrible struggle at last was over. But she had to admit she didn’t know exactly what was happening between the two of them right now; only what she hoped it might develop into. “I wish they would just get to it,” she mumbled, leaning her chin in her hand.
“Get to what?” demanded Syaoran, who understandably hadn’t gone temporarily deaf to accommodate her musings. Little Cat sent him a pointed sideways look, and after a few second a faint blush rose on his cheeks. “Oh.”
“They are both very lonely,” Little Cat said, leaning back a little bit so that her shoulders came to rest against his chest. She felt him tense up a bit, but he didn’t move away.
“Yes,” he agreed after a moment’s hesitation. “They are. I mean, I don’t know your father that well, but he’s... kind of isolated, isn’t he? As if he never lets anyone come near.”
“Exactly,” she agreed, making herself more comfortable leaning against him, and just barely refraining from a triumphant smile when he hesitantly put his arms around her waist. “And I don’t know your father that well either, but he seems like he’s a bit the same way. Of course, he’s not as stupid as father is about it, trying to fool himself and such fucking nonsense, but... it’s like something terrible happened to him, and he made himself all hard and angry afterwards because he doesn’t want to be hurt. I think that’s pretty sad.”
There was yet another moment of awkward silence, and then Syaoran leaned his cheek against her head - very gently, as if trying to make sure she didn’t notice. “I know some pretty terrible things happened to him. He’s talked about some of it to me. I think there’s one thing he still hasn’t said, but I think it might be too private, and that’s why he doesn’t talk about it. I don’t mind, really.”
Little Cat sighed, unable to quite keep the envy from her voice. “I wish Fai’d talk to me about things too. But before that thing with your eye and his magic happened, he’s never even mentioned any part of his life before finding me. It’s like he’s trying to tell himself it doesn’t exist to him, but I know it does, because why else would he act so strangely all the time? And why... Well, he likes Kurogane. And I think it’s pretty clear that Kurogane likes him too, right?” She tilted her head a bit to angle a teasing smile at Syaoran, who laughed, showing equal amounts of embarrassment and ruefulness as he nodded. “And my father is really no damn shrinking violet. So there’s some reason why he doesn’t just do something about it.”
“You’re right,” the young man agreed after having considered her words very solemnly for a moment. “That is really strange. I mean, I don’t know the exact reasons to why Kurogane isn’t doing anything about it either, but... well, it still makes a lot more sense, because I know how he is, if not why.”
“And,” Little Cat finished helpfully, “you know that if anything does happen between them, it’s because your father made the first move, right?”
Syaoran actually displayed the closest thing his solemn smiles would ever come to a grin then. “You’re probably right.”
“I see you’re real cosy there, but if you kids hadn’t noticed, it’s fucking raining and you’re in a gods-damned bush. Come help me and that useless mage raise a shelter.”
It was amazing, and also very vexing, to find that such a large man could walk so very quietly. At least Kurogane didn’t seem to have heard what they were talking about, even though he’d probably located them through their muted voices. On the plus side, Syaoran went bright red and didn’t know where to look, which was always very endearing. On the very strong negative side, he removed his arms from around her waist. With a sigh, she got to her feet, but there was one last thing she wanted to have said before the conversation was over. “You know, Syaoran?” she said cheerfully.
“What?” he mumbled, getting to his feet and still trying not to look at her.
“I’m nothing like my damn silly father. Just so you know.” And then she hurriedly skipped off, leaving him to figure out for himself what she’d meant by that.
no subject
HOMG.
I did the whole "rub my eyes and blink at the screen" thing when I saw this.
/flails around room
OMG. SERIOUS CONVERSATIONS ABOUT TRAGIC THING SHOULD NOT INSPIRE SO MUCH SQUEE. REALLY THEY SHOULDN'T.
And of course, the kids being derp and insightful in the bushes, and getting caught~ AND YES, SAKURA, YOU TELL HIM THAT. <3
no subject
But.. homework first. It's a group project and I'd let the others down as well.. so... I'll come back later to read it. ><
Even if... no. Yes. Well... cya later alligator. Rather than sooner. Probably.
*tears herself away*
no subject
I mean, yes, of course my favourite part was Kurogane telling Fai about some of his history and all the AWWWW moments between them.
But Syaoran and Sakura are written so LIVELY and SPUNKY here it's heart-refreshing! And RAWR. Yes, I think we noticed that Sakura is a lot more open about what (who) she likes than Fai. And not too shy to reach out and grab it. She's a thief, if she wants something and can't get it through usual means... well there's always one way or the other she might think of instead..............
God, I'm more and more in love with her here! And I would LOVE if she were to be totally flustered and crushy with Yukito, too, giving in just to make Syaoran MAKE A MOVE FINALLY, and then in passing noting that she REALLY liked him a bit, but Syaoran is just the one for her. *.*
Or something a little less sappy, whatever... but the dynamics between the two teens are certainly more upfront than those between their dads, I guess it's youth, because everything with Kurogane and Fai seems less playful and instead all serious and risky.
Sure, they're gentle and supportive and whatnot, but not especially flirty or passionate... Makes me curious for how this is going to develop later on. *eyebrow wiggling*
What a surprise, huh? That I'm already trying to weedle the next chapter out of you? xDD
*chu* Back to homework~