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[Team Fantasy] (Soulmates) Have Mercy
Title: Have Mercy
Prompt: Soulmates
Rating: Teen
Warnings: Uh, demon's body horror??
Summary: A hundred years ago, a powerful demon was sealed away. When the seal broke, it grew stronger, posing a deadly threat to the travelers: particularly Fai and Kurogane.
Notes: This is set between Tokyo and Infinity. Let me know what you think! I will tweak it later and publish a more polished one.
( Do you want to be saved? )
Thank you for reading! How did I do?
Please score my fic according to these guidelines:
1. How well did this fic fit the prompt? (1-10)
2. How well written was the fic? (1-10)
3. How much did I enjoy this fic overall? (1-10)
Please remember that you must provide some form of identification, either by logging into dreamwidth, or by providing a link to a blog or profile on another site, for your vote to be counted!
no subject
I had goosebumps when I read this, rising on my arms and the back of my neck, because I already knew who that demon was, who it once had been. GODDAMMIT XIA. WHY. XD
1. How well did this fic fit the prompt? 8/10
This was a really interesting interpretation of the prompt. I was honestly wondering how you were going to pull it off in a canon setting, but I really liked how while we, the reader, already know Kurogane and Fai are soulmates (thank you, endless symbolism) of course they refuse to acknowledge their connection, especially at this stage of their relationship; and so the soulmates the prompt refers to here are the Kurogane and Fai that came before them: the poor damned souls Sakura finally frees in the end.
I liked the traditional fantasy pairing of swordsman/archer and how Kurogane and Fai echoed that by using the demon-killing weapons, and the concept of 'soul chasers'; it really suited the fantasy theme. (I have to say though, using 'fairy lights' means I was constantly picturing Fai as a fairy-type pokemon! They're super effective against dark types, i.e. demons, so it was really fitting! XD)
2. How well written was the fic? 7/10
I'm really looking forward to seeing this fic all polished up and reposted. There was a place in the middle, where Sakura starts talking to the demon, that I had a little trouble following what happened, but I think with a bit of ironing out that scene will be a lot clearer. I had no trouble following the story, and even though it was heartbreaking, it was captivating and interesting, and I liked the little flashbacks peppered throughout. Even though you didn't say their names until the end, we knew who they were, right from the beginning. And the pre-Infinity characterisation was good too- Fai is so vicious here, and Sakura so solemn and sad. Kurogane's just trying to keep everyone together and he knows he can't and it's really painful to read, but in the good way!
3. How much did I enjoy this fic overall? 8/10
This world may had looked like paradise at first, but it was too good to be true. And yet, no matter what may come, Kurogane would overcome it. He had promises to make, and he swore to keep them.
This was gorgeous, Xia, and painful and really great to read, even if it hurt ;__; I'm really looking forward to the polished up version ♥
no subject
This was really an incredibly gripping fic. I had shivers. I like the way the prompt was interpreted as well. I think it's very true to the series as a whole and powerful. And soppy and romantic and I caaaaaan't XD
2) How well written was the fic? 8/10
Very well written, however I noticed some mistakes, which I'm sure will be cleaned up in a more polished version. However the story was clear and readable the whole way through. I loved the line "the forest below whispered calamitiy" that line gave me chills.
3) How much did I enjoy this fic overall? 9/10
Very well written, creative and sooo romantic and painful in like the best way possible. You picked a time when the characters were all incredibly emotionally vulnerable and it worked really well.:D
no subject
8/10
It was a very clever idea to use the blood connection between Fai and Kuro to define them as 'soulmates'. At least I'm hoping I interpreted that correctly from the story.
2.How well written was the fic.
9/10
No real problems I saw.
3. How much did I enjoy the fic overall?
7/10
The story was clearly well thought out and written, but it didn't stick in my mind for long.
no subject
Well, this fic is really /really/ close to the idea I had for this prompt. It shows very well the meaning of "soul-mates" in the right and canon way, I really like the idea that only soul-mates can do some things! Really good idea!
2. How well written was the fic? 10/10
I don't have something to say here, it's all well written, I didn't see any mistakes or missing letters. In this case you're perfect as always ~
3. How much did I enjoy this fic overall? 6.5/10
Erh... I'm quite sad to give you such votation, but I think this fic is missing something. I don't know how to explain this well, but it seems like it's a fast run towards the epilogue ( that's gorgeous, I want to say this ), it didn't stick me on the screen how much that i hoped.
no subject
MMMMMM, I really had a hard time with this category because while I am a firm believer of the whole concept that people can become soul mates, that it's not something you're inherently born with, I felt like being linked to each other due to Fai being a vampire and Kurogane his prey isn't quite the same thing. But then again, this may not have been what Third Eye hinted at? Both Kurogane and Fai may have just assumed that this is what ties them and not the fact that they complete each other or that they share a bunch of tragedies in their lives? Or maybe I just don't understand anything. Could the fic handle a bit more explanation or am I just bad at comprehending? I don't know I'm sorry.
I did like the fate of those world's Fai and Kurogane, though, because it reminded me vaguely of the fate of Ashura and Yasha.
2. How well written was the fic? - 10
There's nothing to complain about here, great job!
3. How much did I enjoy this fic overall? - 8
It did feel a bit rushed, in terms of pacing and idk, I felt it missed a bit depth. But I know how much you struggle with finding time or the motivation to write so it's really grand that you made it! Yay for finishing! :D
no subject
I liked the idea that only soul mates could do things! Kurogane and Fay being connected by the blood bond was a good excuse to cover that they really are soul mates, right? (Or I didn't understand, sorry!) I would have liked to see if they really were soulmates or if it was only the blood bond, through!
How well written was the fic? 8/10
I love your writing style, but I was confused when Sakura talked with the demon/monster...
How much did I enjoy this fic overall? 7/10
I think this fic is missing something, but I don't know what. It did feel a little bit rushed, but I understand that all of you had little time for writing...
no subject
1. How well did this fic fit the prompt? 8
Even though I liked how you interpreted the theme I felt it could've been better developed and explained.
2. How well written was the fic? 6
I noticed some typos and sentences that didn't look very well structured. I also felt the text was a bit confusing in some parts, like when Sakura started talking to the demon, or the part where you first mentioned the demon looked like Kurogane. I also felt the prose wasn't flowing at some points, and that it was all a bit rushed. I'm sure that with more time to read it and refine it it will be really good, though! :)
3. How much did I enjoy this fic overall? 6
I'm sorry to be giving you such a low score, I feel bad now, but I felt the story was a bit too rushed for me to really get into it and enjoy it fully. I know you were writing it in a hurry and you were one of the first to post! That's brave!! It's amazing how much you actually thought out: you had original characters and a world that looked promising, you tried to show how the dynamics changed between the family and you had the backstory for other-world Fai and Kurogane, but this felt more like a first sketch than the finished work. I'm looking forward to the more polished version! :)
Joyejoyu
(Anonymous) 2015-06-18 02:33 am (UTC)(link)1. How well did this fic fit the prompt? 9/10
Absolutely bustling with fantasy elements!! Magic, demons, and light arrows are always superb to read about~ You incorporated these extremely well with the plot, too, and left nothing unanswered. The amount of indirectness you used to reference who the demon really was also took the cake for me!! It's nice to let the readers do a bit of figuring out on their own :)
The only reason I wouldn't give it a 10 is because a lot of the fic also focused on the spiritual relationship between our two darlings (which I am definitely not complaining about hehe), and left a bit out for fantasy world-building~
2. How well written was the fic? 8/10
Very well written! nothing wrong on the beta end that I noticed and the flow of the fic kept me enthralled until the final phrase! The jumping back and forth between past and present was well done and spread out in a way that enabled readers to make the right connections at the right time (ex. demon and past kurgs; demon holding onto fai and past relationship etc...)
The only thing that was a bit off was when sakura was talking to the demon. I think it might have been teeny bit rushed and would have been clearer with more detail.
3. How much did I enjoy this fic overall? 9/10
I liked it a lot! I especially enjoyed the past/present jumps (as I mentioned before) and that really pulled at my heart ; - ; Just the right amount of angst in a kurofai fic! The relationship you built for these two was painfully satisfying and contrasted nicely with the relationship Kurgs and Fai were currently exhibiting~~ Such lovelies!
I think all that needed fixing was slightly rushed feeling it had at the part sakura spoke to the demon and a bit after, but that's about it :)
Otherwise, absolutely adored this! Good job, Xia!!!
Tumblr: http://joyejoyu.tumblr.com
i really hate doing this :(
7
2. How well written was the fic? (1-10)
7
3. How much did I enjoy this fic overall? (1-10)
6
no subject
I enjoyed how you chose to interpret the prompt but felt that you could have done more to embellish on the idea.
How well written was the fic? 5
I feel bad for giving such a low rating but your story seemed more like a first draft or outline than a finished product. There were a few places that I had trouble following what was happening and was confused by the dialogue. I also could not help but notice some grammar errors and typos.
How much did I enjoy this fic overall? 5.5
I can see potential but as the story is currently, I did not find it all that enjoyable. Lack of enjoyment was mostly due to feeling like I was reading a CliffsNotes version of a really good story. To me, such a thing means that your story has promise to be great but needs to be beefed up and edited to reach that greatness. I am really looking forward to rereading it once you have reworked it.
Why
I really liked that only the soulmates could defeat the demon, in the end the way it had to be done broke my heart in two, yes, but it was a very good concept in a fantasy story. (Plus, I liked the mention of fairy light).
2. How well written was the fic? 10
Some parts were a little confusing at first but then it was painfully clear. I love your writing style!
3. How much did I enjoy this fic overall? 8.5
WHY. WHY. WHY.
That ending was a slap to the face but it was really great! (that sounds weird but anyway). Sakura was awesome, and at least those souls are finally free. That means Kurogane and Fai's souls too, right? They could reunite again, right? RIGHT? It hurt but it was a very good story. Besides, you wrote the characters very well!
(it made me cry but shhh)
no subject
2. How well written was the fic? (6/10)
There were some parts that I found confusing and seemed rushed or just not explained well enough, and it did hamper my enjoyment in places.
3. How much did I enjoy this fic overall? (7/10)
I really wanted to like this fic! I think the overall idea is great and the plot is good, but the execution could use more polish.
http://hunterbiscuit.tumblr.com/
(Anonymous) 2015-06-22 01:00 am (UTC)(link)1. How well did this fic fit the prompt?
9/10
Very interesing how you used the blood connection to define them as soulmates, uneasy as they were during this time, fits the mood of the story very well.
2. How well written was the fic?
7/10
Pretty good for the most part, but there were slightly confusing bits. If there's a revised version coming i'd like to check it out ;)
3. How much did I enjoy this fic overall?
(8.5/10)
So much, painful as it was I found it very compelling.
no subject
The Fantasy elements were definitely in there, and the Soulmate Theme was briefly brushed upon, though it seemed like the focus was more 'soul-linked companions' than anything.
How well written was the fic? - (5)
The concept was great, but the pace of the writing was a bit off. Sentences seemed run-on at places; choppy and disjointed at others. In general, it was just a difficult read because the rhythm of the writing was a bit awkward, making it impossible to read smoothly and really get engrossed in it.
The descriptions were beautiful though, and the transitions well done as well. It would be good to perhaps get a beta to help you out with fixing some of the minor issues such as the occasionally distracting grammar mistakes. Sometimes it seemed like you used a Thesaurus to look up words you didn't quite know the proper use of; they really stuck out as out-of-place. A beta could really help you with that as well.
How much did you enjoy this fic overall? (6.5)
While errors and pacing really hampered my ability to read comfortably, it was still an enjoyable read. The plot was good, and with a bit of polishing, this fic has some real potential to shine.
The story IS rather rushed though. It might be a good idea to slow the scenes down a bit and draw them out for a more enjoyable story. The ending scene scene with that world's Kurogane and Fai really made the fic for me. It was spot on, despite a bit of easily forgivable ambiguity (I knew- you knew? - 'fraid not).
Great job overall! I think it'll look really good as a finished piece!
no subject
How well did this fic fit the prompt? 10 You were pretty in-your-face with this, dunno how much more you could have done :P
How well written was the fic? 8 There were a couple of places where the words were...weird. Off the top of my head in the first section you wrote "conspired" when I think you meant "transpired" and "despondant" seems a strange emotion to drive an action (even if it is just a kiss), since it implies defeat/giving up - maybe tweak the sentence a little bit to flesh out that he was despondant over the fight, not just entirely *done*.
How much did you enjoy this fic overall? 10 Really, super happy sitting here after reading it (which was probably not your intention at all, but mummy is proud so shut up terrible child with your heartbreaking stories :P). Clearly I have missed your fic.
no subject
;_;
(actually A+, would cry again)
no subject
2. How well written was the fic? 9
3. How much did I enjoy this fic overall? 10
The writing was confusing in some places, and the ending (not the flashback, them leaving the country) felt a bit abrupt, but I was utterly absorbed throughout! This fic passed in a flash for me, I was so eager to read on. I didn't expect to find any canon fics in this Olympics, and especially not for this prompt, so I was really intrigued to see what you came up with - and boy did you deliver! My main reservation regarding the soulmate trope is that in some interpretations, soulmates means insta-schmoop without much believable build-up, but as this is set in such a tricky part in canon for them, that's neatly avoided.
A couple of quibbles I did have were: concealing the identities of the warriors in the flashbacks. I don't know if it's just me, but as this is a KuroFai soulmates fic it was obvious to me that the warriors were them from the beginning, so it felt a bit pointless to conceal that. Also, the introduction to various characters from the village felt a bit redundant; they had no impact on the plot beyond exposition. I felt like it could have been handled better. The one other quibble was the POV. The way it skipped between characters really loosened the focus, and for me, drew a lot of the tension out of that fight scene.
The sweet, sweet angst that comes from their relationship circa this point in canon was handled really well here (surprisingly so for a soulmate fic) and was also reflected in the tragedy that befell the past Kurogane and Fai. I absolutely loved that the souls of the past Kurogane and Fai were set free by the actions of this Kurogane, though I felt that it could've been given more impact. This was very compelling, and it was really nice to see the relationships of the whole family in the midst of all this shipping. Thank you for writing!
no subject
You used a very interesting idea for "Soulmates". I was curious of how you were gonna put it in canon-verse but you did a good job: You used a very complicated moment of his relationship in canon, and make something pretty great out of it. I like it.
plus, i love how they refuse to acknowledgment the fact that they are soulmates (yeah, of course guys, it's for the blood. If that is what we're calling it now..),
How well written was the fic? 7/10
It was good written by the most of it, but i feel like some dialogues and parts were a bit confusing. I think is really good but maybe it needs a little polishing.
How much did I enjoy this fic overall? 9/10
I really liked it. You made a very sweet story out of "that" part of the original story that always make me want to set myself on fire. Thanks for that.
Sorry for the shortness of this
no subject
now, onto scoring!
1. How well did this fic fit the prompt? 9/10
I think I mentioned while commenting on the other soulmate entry that soulmates in general are a concept I don't usually enjoy unless there's a lot of careful thought and analysis put into it? So I was thrilled to see that you took the prompt and inserted it at just the right point in canon in order to draw attention to some of Fai and Kurogane's more complicated and unpleasant emotions. Fai turning pale on hearing that his and Kurogane's souls were connected is EXACTLY the kind of angst I want in soulmate fics! And the final scene and the explanation of it all was DELICIOUSLY PAINFUL, omg.
2. How well written was the fic? 7/10
I do feel like some of the intermittent scenes were a little bit short and could have used a little bit more description and slightly more evocative or heavy-hitting words to flesh them out, but you portrayed the sense of emotional tension so well that this didn't really detract from the overall effectiveness. You're very good at conveying a whole slew of subtly layered emotions in brief or terse utterances.
3. How much did I enjoy the fic? 7/10
Again, I really liked the atmosphere you created! It had the sense of a fully-realised world from the manga, and was suitably ominous and evocative, which made for a really great reading experience.