Well there was a bar involved and I’m fairly certain that the story takes place at night. On those fronts I suppose it fits. Even so, I can’t help but feel that it is lacking in filling the prompt.
How well written was the fic? 6
The story seems incomplete to me. There is a lot of detail and you have certainly created an interesting universe (one I would love to explore more) but there are some places where I just had trouble understanding what was happening. More than once I needed to reread lines and even then I could not always figure it out. I’m still not entirely sure if you ever came out of the flashback at the end of the story. There were some other minor errors that are quick fixes (font change and missing parentheses).
How much did I enjoy this fic overall? 6
I really enjoyed how creative you were. The characters included had some clever lines and your world building was fantastic. There are just other elements to the story that seemed lacking or confusing which made it hard to fully enjoy the story. I have no doubt you could rework this into a masterpiece and am really just assuming that the deadline is what spawned most of the issues. If you ever rework it let me know. I would love to give it another read!
no subject
Well there was a bar involved and I’m fairly certain that the story takes place at night. On those fronts I suppose it fits. Even so, I can’t help but feel that it is lacking in filling the prompt.
How well written was the fic? 6
The story seems incomplete to me. There is a lot of detail and you have certainly created an interesting universe (one I would love to explore more) but there are some places where I just had trouble understanding what was happening. More than once I needed to reread lines and even then I could not always figure it out. I’m still not entirely sure if you ever came out of the flashback at the end of the story. There were some other minor errors that are quick fixes (font change and missing parentheses).
How much did I enjoy this fic overall? 6
I really enjoyed how creative you were. The characters included had some clever lines and your world building was fantastic. There are just other elements to the story that seemed lacking or confusing which made it hard to fully enjoy the story. I have no doubt you could rework this into a masterpiece and am really just assuming that the deadline is what spawned most of the issues. If you ever rework it let me know. I would love to give it another read!