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Entry tags:
(Team Sci-Fi) [Apocalypse] Oasis (DID NOT FINISH)
Title: Oasis
Prompt: [Apocalypse]
Rating: T
Warnings: (heavily implied) Depression, Violence. Made-up Science.
Notes: I really tried, but in the end, was defeated by the beast. I'd like to apologise to my team and to the readers, but this entry is not finished, despite my best efforts. All the same, I hope you enjoy reading what there is. Also, I use other CLAMP characters in this, but the only CLAMP series I'm really comfortable with is TRC so they probably don't quite behave right.
Summary: All Fai wanted was a good night's sleep. Transporting to another world and living a double-life came in at a close second.
(Start Reading on Google Docs) see update below
Thank you for reading! How did I do?
Please score my fic according to these guidelines:
1. How well did this fic fit the prompt? (1-10)
2. How well written was the fic? (1-10)
3. How much did I enjoy this fic overall? (1-10)
(I linked to google docs because dreamwidth and tumblr were both shitting up the formatting and read mores so it's there for now. I promise that the current edit is LOCKED and I won't change anything until after the Olympics ends)
UPDATE 31/8/15 I'd like to thank everyone who read and rated this fic! I'm moving it over to AO3 now, and I hope to start working on it again very soon
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What an interesting interpretation of the prompt!
2) 7/10
Well written.
3) 9/10
I'm on the edge of my seat dying to know what happens next!!!
scores
(Anonymous) 2015-06-26 07:29 pm (UTC)(link)I feel like you wrote to the prompt really well in your own way of interpretation. But I feel like where the story is at, at this point we haven't hit the very apocalypse part yet so
8 out of 10
2. How well written was the fic? (1-10)
This is very well written. The flow and pacing is perfect as far as I can tell! I love how Fai depression is shown by how isolated he is in either 'worlds' he wakes up too. He is a foreigner in both 'worlds' regardless if he is new to one or has had a history in another- great writing.
10 out of 10
3. How much did I enjoy this fic overall? (1-10)
I enjoyed this fic in an understatement- you happened to cut it off at the perfect place for a cliff hanger- how dare you XD!! I have many suspicions as to where this story is heading but I can't wait for you to upload more.
10 out of 10
A link to prove that I am real: http://winblossomwin.tumblr.com/
no subject
I think that you did a great job setting the scene for an epic story following the prompt. Unfortunately, because the story is not yet complete there are things about the world(s?) you have created that have not yet been explained so it doesn't fit quite right. I believe that when the story is completed it could very well warrant a 10, it’s just not there yet.
How well written was the fic? 9.7
There were a few instances that I got a bit confused with the dialogue between the characters and one time skip that I was unsure was intentional (leaving out Fai’s trails). Other than those things, I think the story is very well written. It flows well, which is impressive considering the scene/world changes. I enjoyed how everyone was kept in character, something I imagine must have been a challenge considering the settings you chose/created. You also did a spectacular job with your descriptions which really gave the story a feeling of reality and depth.
How much did I enjoy this fic overall? 8.5
I really like how the story is unfolding so far. You managed to come up with an incredibly unique idea that I can’t wait to get more of. I am also impressed by how realistic you made things seem. I would love to give you a higher rating as I can tell already how great this story will be. Unfortunately, as it is now I can’t say that I enjoyed it fully as there are still loose ends that need to be tied up. Please be sure to let me know where you post the completed story. I would love to read it!
no subject
2. How well written was the fic? 8
3. How much did I enjoy this fic overall? 8
This is a fascinating concept, and it's execution is only lessened by that fact that it isn't complete yet. I'll say it upfront: that's the story's biggest flaw. You have a really interesting secondary world, and I felt the set-up for that - the tests on insomniacs - was particularly unique. However, because the fic is split between two worlds, and the focus in the second world is more on survival than the apocalypse, it doesn't fulfil the prompt so well. Again, this is because it's incomplete; I can feel it building to something, in that last section in the secondary world where we learn a bit of history, but it simply hasn't gone anywhere yet. The sections flow well together, though the pacing drags at times. I love me some sciencey-Fai and I liked the inclusion of Yuui; I would have been interested to see more of what they do in their day-to-day lives. I was disappointed that the plot thread where Yuui was interested in Oasis hasn't been picked up again yet.
Overall, I love how this story has played out so far, but it's incompleteness leads to a lot of frustration - most of the fic feels like build-up. That's why it's so frustrating; I can feel something really good is coming, but we're just not there yet. It builds to a peak right at the end with that cliffhanger, especially with the implication that Fai's got some stuff to sort out in his world before he can return to Oasis and find out what happened to Kurogane.
Thank you for writing, and please post to the comm when you have more to share! I'm really interested to find out what Fai can put together with there other world's technology, and to see what the consequences will be for living a double life.
no subject
"Take me back!" he demanded shrilly, "put me back under! I have to-"
UGH BEST/WORST CLIFFHANGER EVER.
1. How well did this fic fit the prompt? 8.5/10
I love dystopian, ruined worlds, and clannish groups of people eking out an existence in the shell of a civilisation left behind. It's a fantastic speculative fiction trope, and it works so well in sci fi too. I really like the way you're building up to the big reveal of how, exactly, the world fell apart. ALSO ALIENS. ALIENS!!! YES!!! I'm looking forward to seeing how you flesh out the prompt a little more once you've had more time to write, and I'm especially looking forward to more conflict between the world of Fai's dreams and the waking world.
2. How well written was the fic? 8.5/10
I can see a few places where it seems like you intend to come back and add more, and obviously the cliff-hanger is the result of an unfinished fic, but what we have here is wonderful. I feel like once you've had the chance to write more the overall plot will feel more coherent and flow better, but this is a brilliant start. I love how real everything feels, and the relationship between Fai and Yuui is so aching and brotherly I can barely stand it. And the burgeoning relationships between Fai and the peoples of the new world he finds himself in, especially Kuro-chief, just had me on the edge of my seat. I look forward to seeing more once you have the time :D
3. How much did I enjoy this fic overall? 9/10
I AM CUT UP ABOUT THAT CLIFFHANGER. God, poor, poor panicking Fai! I WANT TO KNOW WHAT HAPPENS NEXT, OH MY GOD. This story was building up to such excitement, and I was thoroughly invested from start to finish. I love this so much, I can't wait to see what you do with it. Best of luck with continuing writing, and I await the next installment eagerly!
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(Anonymous) 2015-08-31 04:18 pm (UTC)(link)It'll be up on my AO3 (superyuui / cranialgames) by the end of today :)
Thanks for your patience
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anyway it's here on AO3 now C: I hope you enjoy it
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