kageyambae (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
mindlessadri) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
kurofai2014-04-25 11:56 pm
mindlessadri) wrote in kurofai2014-04-25 11:56 pm
Entry tags:
[Team Drama] (Doppelgangers) The Winds of Change
Prompt: Dopplegangers
Rating: PG-15
Warnings: Vague mentions of abortion and rape. Slavery. Violence. Blood.
Notes: The fic is linked to my journal. However use this post for voting purposes.
The group lands in a world with walls as high as the many secrets the people keep.
~the end.
Thank you for reading! How did I do?
Please score my fic according to these guidelines:
1. How in-character was this fic? (1-10)
2. How well did this fic handle the trope? (1-10)
3. How much did you enjoy this fic overall? (1-10)
Remember that you must provide some form of identification (a link to a blog or profile on another site will suffice) for your vote to be counted!
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The world itself is fantastic (barring the slavery system); the dangerous desert, the kingdom of Yaris looming into the sky, and the assortment of characters you have. I am a huge sucker for tales involving prophecies; Fai and Kurogane seeing their other selves; and of course, young!KuroFai.
Okay though, but Youou and Yuui. Youou refusing to let go of Yuui and him pleading to spare Yuui's life and, boys, how dare you hurt me so! And the queen finding them and just manipulating where everybody is to use Kurogane for her own means - that was a really ingenious way to fulfill 'doppelgangers' prompt. And Kurogane doing everything he can to make sure they stay happy cause he KNOWS what hell was like for him and Fai. And do not get me started on the scenes with Kurogane and Akai. I'm amazed Kurogane didn't fall apart then and there. He'll always miss his parents. Always, but he's glad that Youou didn't end up like him and, ow, my heart! ;;_________;;
One last thing: even though Yuui wasn't able to see Kurogane again and thank him for helping them out, I bet the group will return there sometimes. Maybe far later, when the roads between the cities are safer and less dangerous, and they can all reunite and see how prosperous they are. Wow, I really like this world can you tell?
I'm so happy and proud of you for persevering and writing for your first Olympics! Well done!
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I would say a lot more but I'll just end up gushing. I'll talk with you later though!
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(Anonymous) 2014-04-27 06:32 pm (UTC)(link)1. How in-character was this fic? 8
2. How well did this fic handle the trope? 9
3. How much did you enjoy this fic overall? 9.5
Thank you!
invidira.tumblr.com
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I've noticed you are voting on all the fics so that in itself deserves a thank you very much!
I'm so happy to hear you enjoyed it!
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I can't stress how impressive the details of this world were. You created a universe with government, religion and geography that influence the first two aspects, and only in a few chapters! Excellent work.
1. 10 - Everyone was well written. I have to say that the scene between Kurogane and Akai was evidence of how well written everything was; Akai was well within the boundaries of what we know of Kurogane's father, and Kurogane's reaction to his appearance as well as the conversation that followed was perfection.
2. 10 - This story went beyond what I expected to find in a doppelganger fic; the characters interactions between their counterparts were excellent, particularly Kurogane and Yuui.
3. 9 - The only thing keeping me from giving this a ten is that often I had to re-read some sentences over again due to missing commas and other punctuation that tripped up the pacing of the prose. Otherwise, the concept, characterization and execution of the trope were above and beyond my expectations and I read it all in one sitting.
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I really appreciate it though and am honestly you went out of your way to say the romantic scenes were moving because that means a lot to me. But not nearly as much as being complimented on my world building. So thank you a million times over.
I'm so happy that you enjoyed this fic and for the most part I seem to have gone beyond your expectations. I confess I'm actually a terrible typist and an even worse microeditor. I guess we all have our downfall. uwu
Once again and and few more times past that, thank you. :3
pokethepasta of tumblr
(Anonymous) 2014-04-29 03:10 pm (UTC)(link)2. How well did this fic handle the trope? 10 - Team Drama indeed. I was on the edge of my seat for most of this fic, I just couldn't put it down! (also kill me please Kurogane seeing his dad lordy my heart!!!)
3. How much did you enjoy this fic overall? 8 - This was well written and obviously thought out and things connected very well (I'd have liked a little more interaction between Youou and Yuui and Fai and Kurogane, but I don't feel cheated at all either)
Re: pokethepasta of tumblr
One of my biggest concerns for this fic was when I was halfway through and I realized "Well shit I managed to put the main characters that this story revolves around at different locations so they're interactions are limited, good going Adri." I tried to think of more ways to have them together with out hindering the plot and it just didn't work out. -shrugs-
I'm so happy to hear you enjoyed my fic and thank you for voting!
no subject
I thought everyone was very well handled. I loved Youou and Yuui, how they were different from Kurogane and Fai, because of their different stories but still shared the same basic traits (baby-Youou going after the snake that was trying to kill the baby bird was especially endearing) and there was Yuuko!! And omg Kurogane and Akai and the paiiiiiiiin... ;_; I also really liked the fact that you used OCs. As much as it is always pleasing to see CLAMP-verse characters, sometimes new faces are better or it can get repetitive. I really liked Xantara and Kamaria. I just wish there had been more interaction between Kurogane, Fai, Syaoran and Mokona. Everyone was in a different place, so there wasn't much they could do together.
2. How well did this fic handle the trope? 10
I think you did it very well! Especially, you created a very nice universe and characters (though it's not a very nice universe at all, it was terrible and unfair and Vogas was a pig and omg when Youou was crying over Yuui and Yuui was so sad and iadbakdah ;____;). I wasn't expecting something like this at all, when I read the prompt and the title.
3. How much did you enjoy this fic overall? 10
What a nice way to finish reading all this year's fanfics! Sorry it took so long to comment. As I told Xia, I left the longer ones for last. I really enjoyed this fic! I could read a lot more about this universe and what happened to Yuui and Youou and their families and see how Kamaria did as a queen and how everything changed. And I kinda want to see Kurogane and Fai fucking each other crazy next time like they have wanted... poor guys can't find peace anywhere. xD
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I was very pleased with the Akai and Kurogane scene as well. I had originally planned to have a similar one for trc!r!Yuui and this brother trc!r!Fai but I thought that the scene would be to emotionally difficult to write. Also I didn't have a place for r!Fai in the plot.
Also thank you for noticing and complimenting on one of the stores aspects I found most challenging: differentiating Youou and Yuui from Kurogane and Fai while staying true to the character.
Also I haven't given much thought to what happens in the end. I have this vague idea that Yuuko and Verix hook up in the future but not in a committed way because Yuuko marries Watanuki (sorry my otp is so unpopular OTL) and Verix becomes a badass who uses her experiences as Vorgas' slave to help empower ex-slave women. Yuui and Youou have a good life with no more hardship. Kamaria becomes a loved ruler who uses her halfling status to bridge the gap between the races. There would be nothing noteworthy to mention in an epilouge which is why there isn't one.
Also they land in Piffle next. :3
new rules say I can score now, too
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1. How in-character was this fic? 9
2. How well did this fic handle the trope? 9
3. How much did you enjoy this fic overall? 9
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2. How well did this fic handle the trope? 10
3. How much did you enjoy this fic overall? 9
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8-9-9
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Also anytime I can make Yuuko and Kurogane related in anyway I will. I think to date they've been married and siblings and obnoxious friends.
Thank you so much for voting!
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10
8
8
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Thank you!
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2. How well did this fic handle the trope? 10
3. How much did you enjoy this fic overall? 9, It's not a 10 because I wish there was more Kurogane and Fay's interaction!
Loved Yuui and You-ou, btw! *^*
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I agree I would have liked to see more of Kurogane and Fai together as well and I made an honest effort to think of more plot points that would allow that. However, I couldn't without severely weakening the plot. Not to mention I had this idea to try and demonstrate that even though they weren't together physically that were still very much /about/ each other. Meaning they thought about each other, tried to tackle problems from the other's perspective, ect. Though perhaps I didn't hit that point as much as I had hoped.
Once again thank you for voting! :3
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2. How well did this fic handle the trope? 8
3. How much did you enjoy this fic overall? 8
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1. How in-character was this fic? 10
2. How well did this fic handle the trope? 10
3. How much did you enjoy this fic overall? 10
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