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kurofai2015-06-19 07:16 pm
youandyourlilies) wrote in kurofai2015-06-19 07:16 pm
Entry tags:
(Team Sci-fi) [Interspecies Romance] Brain Waves
Title: Brain Waves
Prompt: [Interspecies Romance]
Rating: T
Warnings: Major character death (kind of) and existential crisis. This fic takes place in the same universe that Chobits and Angelic Layer do, but I've done my best to give explanations of the various terminology, so hopefully reading those series isn't a requirement to understand this fic.
Notes: Due to unforeseen personal conflicts, I wasn't able to complete the story in time. Instead I'm going post the first part of this fic and post the rest at a later date. I'm really sorry for the inconvenience!
You only have 3 more months you have to exist.
Every day, every second, feels like a countdown. You charge for seven hours at night. In the morning it takes you about twenty minutes to prepare breakfast for Fai. He tries to make small talk with you that you shut down quickly. He eats in silence and then gets ready for the day. This takes on average sixteen minutes.
After he bids you goodbye you make your way downstairs to see if the landlady, Chitose, needs any repairs done around the apartment complex. Every morning she gives you the same sad smile and even if there isn’t anything for you to do she comes up with something. The new paint job on the building took a week off your countdown, which you were grateful for. That week you were busy from sunrise to sunset and barely had to interact with Fai.
The apartment complex never looked this good when you were still alive.
-
Three months ago you woke up for the first time. Well, the first time since you had died. Blue eyes stared into yours as they opened. You blinked a couple times before you recognized the face. “Fai” was the name your brain supplied and with the name came innumerable memories and emotions. He was examining you, eyebrows crinkled in concentration. You weren’t used to seeing him focused on you like that. You had only seen him that absorbed when he was working in the lab.
You opened your mouth to ask what he was staring at, but the voice that came out didn’t sound like yours. Too mechanical. Like a popstar’s covered in autotune.
“Fai, what-” You realized that you couldn’t move yourself, not even your neck. Panic surged through out you. You found you could only manage to make your face obey your brain’s commands and you felt like you’d be hyperventilating if you could feel your lungs. But you can’t and the fear of some terrible injury disabling your ability to move overwhelmed you.
“What happened,” you gritted out. You were too in shock to properly panic now.
Fai’s expression softened and you saw him reach a hand out to touch your cheek. You note that you couldn’t feel his hands against your face. The comforting touch did nothing to quell your fear.
“You’re going to be okay, Kuro-rin,” Fai soothed. His smile was strained and fake. You haven’t seen him smile like that in years and you wanted to punch him for it. He must have seen the anger in your face because he sighed and averted his eyes.
“You’ll be good as new soon. I’m sorry.”
You would’ve asked what he meant by that, you would’ve asked the numerous questions running through your brain, but he moved his hand behind your neck and you lost yourself to the black void once again.
-
You’re thirteen weeks into your existence when Fai brings up work.
“One of my co-workers needs a bodyguard for her daughter,” he says one morning. He’s staring into his mug, jostling it to create little waves. The mug is one he’s had since you...since the real Kurogane moved in with him. It has a crack around them rim and will break soon. You don’t know why he doesn’t use the one the real Kurogane used to use. It’s not like you need it.
“Which one?” you ask, deciding to entertain him. You haven’t visited the labs as you are now, but your mechanical brain supplies you with various names and faces that the real Kurogane once knew.
“Daidouji-san. She’s been worried about her daughter Tomoyo…” Fai trails off. His eyes focus in on his coffee before looking away. His shoulders hunched and his hair tipped over his eyes as he lowered his head.
“Since Kurogane died,” you finish for him. You narrow your eyes. The real Kurogane had been great at picking up on body language, but now you can see and hear in exaggerated detail as Fai’s breath hitches and his head shoots up to look at you with glistening blue eyes.
His eyes used to be a place of comfort. These days they make you sick with the pity you see in them.
“Kuro-chin, don’t. You know that’s not true and you’re still here-”
“And I thought I told you to drop the damn suffixes.” You roll your eyes and fix a pointed glare at Fai. His gaze averts again. You wonder if your eyes make him sick too.
“Just...think about it,” Fai says after a long suffocating moment. He’s tracing the crack of the mug with his pointer finger. You notice the bags under his eyes and wonder if he’s been getting enough sleep. A pang of worry wells up in you before you shove it down. He brought this upon himself. There’s no use feeling programmed emotions towards the fool. You sigh and cross your arms.
“If you needed me to work you could’ve just said so. It’s not like I mind,” You say. Fai tenses up, as if he knows what you’re about to say. “After all, persocoms are made to serve.”
“You are not a persocom!” Fai shouts, fists slamming on the table. He’ s up and looming over the table now. Bright blue eyes stare down at you, almost burning with their fury. “You’re new body may use the same technology as the persocoms, but your brain is human.”
“My brain is made of scans that you took without permission!” You seethe. You’re out of your chair now and even now you tower over Fai. You’d think he would’ve taken the opportunity to make you shorter but he was meticulous in recreating your body. The real Kurogane’s body.
“For the love of-don’t you understand!” Fai is clenching his teeth now and the rims of his eyes are reddening. His hands runs through his unruly blond hair and snags.
“No, I don’t understand. I don’t understand why you took those scans that I let you use after you promised you wouldn’t use them.”
Fai deflates at that. The fight dies in his eyes and he looks away. Again.
“I know. I know I took advantage of your kindness, Kuro-pon. But.” He reaches over now and places a palm against your chest. Right above where a human heart would be. “I couldn’t lose you. I just couldn’t.”
The words tug at you but you suppress the pull and move out of range. Fai’s fingers slip down your chest and hang in the air for a moment before he presses his hand back against his side. You can’t afford to feel sorry for this man who decided to play god in matters he couldn’t possibly understand.
“You know you shouldn't have. Because you’re going to lose me again in three months.” Fai stiffens at that and you see his hands shake ever so slightly. You don’t feel sorry for him. “I still haven’t changed my mind.”
Fai raises his head and plasters on another one of those resurrected fake smiles.
“All the more reason to help out the Daidouji’s, right?”
--
Turns out bodyguarding is more like glorified babysitting.
“Which one do you think looks better?” Tomoyo asks, holding up two (rather similar looking in your opinion) dresses. She holds each one up to her torso for a brief moment before turning her puppy-dog pout on you. You shrug and stare at her with what you imagine is blank disinterest.
Tomoyo groans before throwing her free hand up in frustration. “Kurogane-san you have to help me! I have to look nice when I go out with my friends!”
“I was hired to protect you, not to play dress up,” you reply. Tomoyo pouts but drops the matter. She’s silent for a long moment before picking a suitable dress. Pausing, she looks up at you with wide bambi eyes before giving you a small smile.
“Thank you”, she says softly and retreats to the bathroom without another word.
--
You’ve known Fai since the two of you were kids. You weren’t always friends, but he’s always been an important part of your life. Kind of like a stray cat that latches on when you feed it once and refuses to let go.
Years ago, the both of you were into Angelic Layer. It was a game that involved fighting, so of course you were drawn to it. Fai had been lucky enough to be adopted into game’s creators family. He had the best modifications for his Angels, so despite his lack of knowledge in martial arts he did well when playing. This pissed you off to no end when you were twelve.
Every match between you two ended in a one-sided screaming match. Fai would grin that cheeky shit-eating grin while you shouted obscenities at him. There was more than one match that ended with you being dragged off by security before you decked the asshole.
You weren’t the only person Fai pissed off though. While you would have never actually hit the guy, others weren’t as restrained. After one match where Fai had won against yet another rich kid, he had found himself cornered by his rival and their friends.
You had been passing by, planning on going home for the night, when you heard the telltale smack of a fist connecting with a cheek. Letting curiosity getting the better of you, you looked down the low-lit hallway to see Fai cornered. Hand tenderly gripping his swollen cheek, Fai looked up at his attackers with a cold light in his eyes. That alone made you pause. There was something in the way he held himself, like he refused to be a victim, that made you see him -really see him- for the first time. It was like you forgot how to breathe and every muscle, every organ in your body froze for the briefest moment. And then you saw one of the brats pulling up their arm for a swing and you jumped in before they could get in another hit.
You brought down three of them in about 30 seconds and the rest ran away after that. The three you managed to hit chased after their friends, clenching their bloody noses in bruised hands. You didn’t even break a sweat.
Fai lost the cold edge in his eyes and replaced it with a look of wonder. You grunted and rolled your eyes as you held out a hand to him. He paused and shifted his arm, and you grimaced when you saw how quickly it was swelling. It was either sprained or broken.
“Come on, let’s get you to a doctor,” you said. He seemed surprised when you reached down and threw his good arm over your shoulder. You remember trying to be as gentle as you could as you helped him up off the floor. He still cringed in pain though, and you felt your traitorous heart pang in guilt.
The next day when you saw him adorned in bandages and a heavy cast on his right arm you promised him that you would teach him the basics of self defense. “Can’t have you out of commission every time someone wants to kick your ass,” you said not meeting his eyes. “You’d be living in the hospital soon enough.”
Fai had smiled at that, and for once his grin didn’t make you want to punch him. “I’d like that. Thank you, Kuro-sama.”
You will never admit how those words made you breathless.
Thank you for reading! How did I do?
Please score my fic according to these guidelines:
1. How well did this fic fit the prompt? (1-10)
2. How well written was the fic? (1-10)
3. How much did I enjoy this fic overall? (1-10)
Please remember that you must provide some form of identification, either by logging into dreamwidth, or by providing a link to a blog or profile on another site, for your vote to be counted!
no subject
I think your idea is really cool (though sad ;_;) and I'm looking forward to see how it develops.
2. How well written was the fic? 8
I was a bit confused at first, but reareading the first paragraphs after knowing a bit more makes more sense. A lot of times I miss details on first reading so it may have been my fault. xD I kinda dislike 2nd person point of view, though, but I guess in this case it's the best one. I can feel Kurogane's bitterness. Short sentences make an impact without being overly dramatic.
3. How much did I enjoy this fic overall? 8
I hope everything is going fine now and I wish you the best luck with whatever happened that prevented you from writing more! :) What you posted was a very good apetizer and it made me want to read your whole fic when it's ready. I can't really say I loved it, though, because it's not finished yet and so I don't know what I would've thought about the remaining part, but I liked what you posted, even though there's angst and I feel I'm gonna suffer.......... ;_____;
no subject
I really like your idea, even it's kinda sad ( too sad for my poor and sweet heart ;_; ), 'cause everyone know that love between a man and a... machine is near to impossible, ever if this machine has a "human" brain. But at the same time I can read, into -?- the lines that this can be possible... in a strange way. Good job!
2. How well written was the fic? 8/10
I must admit that I don't like the second person's POV, i really can't stand it and it's not your fault; I think the writer must take distance between him and the story ( basically the 3rd person's POV ), and this is why there's a lack of two points. Besides that I like your style and no mistakes at all, I really enjoyed the shorts sentences. They give to the fic rythm.
3. How much did I enjoy this fic overall? 9/10
You CAN'T LET ME CRY LIKE THIS Q___Q The plot is so good even it's only the first part, i can't wait to read the remaining but at the same time I'm so scared ;_; I like and hate your fic, it's okay to say?
cool beans!
9
definitely hit the scifi part, blending it with the one-sided "romance" from fai.
2. How well written was the fic? (1-10)
8
i really would like to see more of this!! many mysteries. i thought the usage of 2nd person accentuated nicely "kurogane's" lack of true self and alienation from who he is "supposed" to be.
3. How much did I enjoy this fic overall? (1-10)
9
no subject
Technically, it fit the prompt well. Though I feel there is some debate on the species front since Kurogane is a persocom, not a living organism…I think.
How well written was the fic? 8
Currently the fic seems a bit unpolished and there are some grammar and spelling errors that need to be fixed, which should take no time at all. You managed to do a wonderful job portraying Kurogane’s feeling and making the reader see things from his perspective, which was very impressive.
How much did I enjoy this fic overall? 7
I would have liked it to be more your ideas and less Chobits, but it does seem to be working well so far. I enjoyed how you managed to make Kurogane’s reactions and feelings regarding his new “life” realistic. I can’t really give much more opinion on the story as it is currently an unfinished work. However I can say that I look forward to seeing where you go with the story.
I hope whatever you are going through will soon pass you by.
no subject
It fits the prompt well.
2) 9/10
So good! ;_; I want more of this world. It is so sad and tragic and beautiful.
3) 9/10
Again, really well written, and it makes me sad but in like that perfect way if that makes any sense. I loved the sort of reverse storyline compared to the actual manga. In this Kurogane is the bitter one after Fai makes a decision for him, which is just so perfect.
no subject
Us readers do not even know what happened to Kurogane (as a human), but it must had been truly sudden and unexpected. Or maybe not? (It seemed like getting his brain scanned was part of testing for a condition he had. Maybe I am not reading it right?)
kittenintheskyy made a good point that it's reverse, where Fai interfered with Kurogane and brought him back to life for a little while, and Kurogane is at a painful existential crisis, in limbo. It's like Yuzaki's position in Chobits for Kaede, but from the person/persocom's perspective, and it's heartbreaking.
I hope you are well! I look forward to reading the rest, even though it will be more heart shattering.
no subject
How well did this fic fit the prompt? - (9)
A classic example of a SciFi interspecies, though Kurogane is only a different species in half of this.
How well written was the fic? (8.5)
Well written, despite it being in 2nd person. There were a few mistakes here and there, but nothing overly distracting. The pacing wasn't bad either.
How much did I enjoy this fic overall? (7)
This fic was very heavy, with with the flashbacks being the only relief. It felt a lot like Infinity in that way - actually, I suppose they're kind of the same. It being unfinished also certainly puts a damper on things.
Still, the tension is fun to read, and the flashback was terribly cute. Overall, it was interesting enough, despite having very little knowledge of Chobits and Angelic Layer.
no subject
no subject
1. How well did this fic fit the prompt? 8.5/10
I loved Chobits, and the impossible love between artificial humans and natural-born humans is a classic sci-fi staple. And even if it's an archetype, it's still so damn heartbreaking, especially when it's the artificial human themselves wondering if they really, truly have the capability for love... or if they are simply programmed to. Ugh, it's so heartbreaking, in the best and worst of ways. I'm really looking forward to seeing how you develop this further!
2. How well written was the fic? 8.5/10
For the record, I think second-person point of view was the perfect choice here. There is no better way to express Kurogane's alienation from his sense of "self" than the subtle sense of being removed from one's own thoughts and identity that second-person can show, and there is no better way for you to show us exactly how cut up and cold he feels inside knowing that he is not truly Kurogane, but a carbon-copied android. He's not the man Fai fell in love with, and he knows it, and it's so deliciously painful. Ughhhh.
Your style is bleak and sparse and it packs emotional punch because of that. I definitely think it would flow better with more scenes and more of those back-and-forth between present and memory moments, so I'm really looking forward to seeing you finish and being able to reread from start to finish.
3. How much did I enjoy this fic overall? 9/10
“No, I don’t understand. I don’t understand why you took those scans that I let you use after you promised you wouldn’t use them.”
Fai deflates at that. The fight dies in his eyes and he looks away. Again.
“I know. I know I took advantage of your kindness, Kuro-pon. But.” He reaches over now and places a palm against your chest. Right above where a human heart would be. “I couldn’t lose you. I just couldn’t.”
ARGHHHH I'M SUCH A GLUTTON FOR PUNISHMENT. This hurts, oh so much and I totally want more. I will, of course, require a box of tissues and probably a whole bowl of ice cream to make myself feel better afterwards, but I can't wait to see what magic you work with this prompt. Thank you so much for participating in the Olympics this year, and posting up your fic even though you couldn't quite finish; I look forward to seeing your finished product when you're ready :)
no subject
Painfully fitting. Love between a robot and a human is always so angsty, and then you go and make Kurogane human before ; w ;
2. How well written was the fic? 8
There were some mistakes that can be fix quickly. I liked your choice of using 2nd person, I think it fits the story really well and it conveys the sense of detachment from Kurogane.
3. How much did I enjoy this fic overall? 8
This was short but it was effectively painful and emotional. I want more, I want to suffer.
no subject
2. How well written was the fic? 8.5
3. How much did I enjoy this fic overall? 9
Oh man I can't wait to read the rest of this! Though short and sweet, this doesn't suffer from some of the difficulties that other incomplete fics do, as you've got the core of your concept and conflict down, and you've given us great insight into the characters. You've been very effective with what you've chosen to show us. While there is a lot more to say in this world, it doesn't feel unfinished, which made the reading experience much more enjoyable for me.
I love crossovers between various CLAMP universes, so the familiar setting was a joy to have in the background. I can't wait to find out where you're going with this, especially in regards to other characters who knew Kurogane before he died, like Chitose (I'd like to see her role expanded on if you do write more!). It was gratifying to see Tomoyo; I'd love to see Kurogane's relationship with her develop. Tomoyo is such an uncannily wise person that I feel she'll be invaluable to Kurogane, both in terms of support and helping him work through his inner conflict. Kurogane's anger was especially delicious, and helped reinforce the implication that he may be a 'real' person after all, as most persocoms are coded to be submissive and subservient. Of course, it could just be that Fai wanted as true-to-life a copy of Kurogane as possible... Both options are heartbreaking, and the ambiguity makes it so tense!
Some of the dialogue felt a little rough and was a little hard to understand. I usually find it hard to connect with second-person narrators, but in this case it fit really well with Kurogane's situation. Because second-person voice also gives us very direct insight into what the narrator is thinking/feeling, it also really highlighted Kurogane's efforts to distance himself from 'real' humans. This is such an interesting concept, and you've left a lot unsaid (like what happened to the human Kurogane), so I'm really looking forward to how this plays out! Thank you for writing!
no subject
TT__TT !!