kurofai | [Team Drama] (Bodyswap) A Hard Soul To Save

Huh, nobody's commented yet. Gotta fix that. Hi there.

1. How in-character was this fic? 8
I think that the characterizations were faithful in general -- I say in general because I had trouble figuring out when this took place (I'm supposing post-Outo and pre-Yama? Wow, I'm rusty, and it's way too late to join the reread on tumblr orz). But I think Fai's was spot-on, and it really resonated throughout his parts in the piece (when Subaru was introduced I just went "hohshit this is gonna hurt"). I like the idea of Kurogane pretending to be Fai (I like how he slipped sometimes, and it was an interesting contrast!).

2. How well did this fic handle the trope? 10
I wasn't sure what to expect, considering that most bodyswap fics that I've seen are either crack or smut. I was very pleasant surprised and very intrigued by the way you set this up, and I really liked that the situations and the way the characters reacted were very organic -- didn't feel to contrived or forced.

3. How much did you enjoy this fic overall? 10
Wow okay, so I read about half of this right before I went to sleep, and the other half when I woke up, and I am not ashamed to say that the feels stewed overnight and made me cry when I finished in the morning. I'm not sure if I enjoyed it, but I definitely felt it, and I'm definitely planning to save it all in my phone to read it again. Thank you :)

[farfigneutroblaster.tumblr.com]

I think people all commented over on the other journal :D But yours is doubly appreciated nonetheless!!

Yeah, I told people to reply to this post just if they were voting, so the other comments were from fellow contest writers. This is my first official score. XD

1. I suppose I could have made it more obvious, but this is supposed to be pre-Outo, actually. I had this idea that Outo would be the very next world they came to. Having shared this horrible experience, the two of them would feel more comfortable opening up to each other in quiet moments afterward. This was my idea. I mayyyyy have failed to actually convey this in the text. >.> That said, thank you so much! I'm glad you felt I did well.

2. Thank you, thank you, thank you! I really wanted to do something unique that hadn't been seen before for this trope, and I'm so glad you liked it!

3. ahahaha, don't worry, I STEWED IN FEELS FOR 2 WEEKS WHILE WRITING IT so I understand. I'm so happy that I was able to touch you that much!

Thanks a million times over for taking the time not just to read, but to vote. All of us writers really appreciate you!

... Ow. Right in the feels. And Sakura-as-Kurogane giggling and blushing and fffs. -wistful sigh-

I like how you portrayed the duality in Subaru and Fai as one, particularly the conjunction between their consciences. And I found the... misjudgment of distance between the travelers to be incredibly profound. It struck a chord.

1. How in-character was this fic? 8
2. How well did this fic handle the trope? 10
3. How much did you enjoy this fic overall? 9.5

Thank you!

invidira.tumblr.com

... I can't believe I did that. I'm so sorry. ;u;

awwww, that's okay XD

You are able to edit/delete posts and make new ones, if you want to?

If not, let me just double check: those are definitely the scores for THIS fic, right? XD

No! They are definitely for this fic! Aaaugh I'm so embarassed. -furious blushing-

I assumed I couldn't edit since I'm anon. And well, I've learned my lesson; do not delay voting until the day after!

I really liked the idea of Kurogane pretending to be Fay for the kids ;___; and, Fay's hands, how he burned them trying to save the wizard...? ;___; brava!

1. How in-character was this fic? 10
2. How well did this fic handle the trope? 10
3. How much did you enjoy this fic overall? 9

Edited 2014-04-24 22:12 (UTC)

Oh my goodness, thank you so much! I really appreciate your vote.

... I swear I didn't set out to write an angst piece, it just kind of happened and everything was sad. :P

OMG FAREEEEN WHYYYYYYYY???? I'M IN PAIN RIGHT NOW!!! NOT FAIR!!!!!
Should I hate you or love you?

1. How in-character was this fic? 10
Kurogane was fantastic, how he acted, how he saw himself, how he saw the others. I loved the self-deprecation, and how he was trying so hard to actually act like Fai, but still slipped into his normal self. Syaoran was perfect too, his fear, his wanting to act strong but not being able to felt so real, even though he wasn't the main character. Sakura too, always so strong! DOUMEKI AND KOHANE YOU PUT THEM THERE I LOVE YOU FOR IT! And then there was Fai and Subaru and everything huuurt. Fai's guilt and his kindness and knowing he was going to kill Subaru. The scars in his hands, when I read that part I swear I just melted in a pool of sad, and then he had to hurt them more trying to get the wizard out, because he wanted to at least save him. So typically Fai so painful and poor Subaru... I always loved seeing those two together, since they're such broken things and you did them both so well. Also, Mokona is a smart and sweet little bun and I loved her in this.

2. How well did this fic handle the trope? 10
Perfectly. You did it with a twist, and you were able to put a lot of development in the characters because of the trope. I loved that by making Kurogane have to act like Fai, you wrote it so he started noticing more things about himself, how maybe he didn't act so correctly all the time, how he cared about the kids afterall, how he should change the way he acted. I could see the point when he actually decided he had to start becoming the person we'll see in later arcs of Tsubasa. And I loved that in the middle of that I could still laugh a bit at how he felt so angry that he had to act like Fai, and how he also started noticing more things about him, about how much of an effort he always made to be bright, about how there are so many things he doesn't know about the wizard, and the kids and their feelings for him and how they saw him and Fai. It was original and the 2nd person POV just made it so much more, Idk, intimate? Like we were really inside the characters.

3. How much did you enjoy this fic overall? 10
I think I already said all I wanted. xD

oh wow oh wow oh wow

thank you so much! ;___;

I really am interested in trying to discover the point in which Kurogane realized that his behaviour wasn't working, because I feel like there MUST have been a point where he did that. You see the change happen, but he's just such an insightful person and he knows his own motivations, so I can only think he really did make some decisions about himself and the way he related to the rest of the family. I wanted to try to use the bodyswap trope to explore that concept, because taking him literally outside of his own body was such an interesting way to give him the emotional distance to really judge himself?

and then I contrasted it with making Fai learn NOTHING while he was in Subaru, basically. He learned about his own future to some extent, but basically he didn't grow at all because Subaru's an enabler and too similar to him to push, and I did that deliberately and it was so so so interesting to try to do. Second person POV almost seemed like the ONLY way to go to make this make sense.

I AM SO HAPPY THAT I PUT DOUMEKI AND KOHANE IN THERE. I REALLY THINK THEY WERE PROBABLY A WONDERFULLY RESPECTFUL AND BALANCED MARRIED COUPLE AND THEY NEED MORE LOVE.

but anyway just thank you so much for voting, I appreciate it!

1. How in-character was this fic? 8
This was really nicely done! I especially liked how Kurogane takes the chance to try to learn about Fai through his body. (Ff this was any other fic that would mean sex, but here... it just means staring at scars and thinking) And through learning about Fai he also learns about himself! I don't know if him pretending to be Fai was completely natural though? I understand he wouldn't want the kids to worry, but I think in canon even when he wants to protect the kids he only keeps silent or lies by omission. You show his reluctance well, but I can't really see Kurogane actively lying or pretending the way Fai does. As for Fai, I think there was less character development, but it's basically what happens in canon so I can't fault you for that.

2. How well did this fic handle the trope? 10
I love how you took the trope which is usually "HUR HUR HUR now they're in each other's bodies lets make them have sex and do random stuff cuz they're in someone else's body" and made it full of just angst and character development and meaning. I like how there was a bit of a twist where Fai didn't end up in Kurogane's body. The way it ended up mirrors the general progression of their relationship in TRC: where Fai is somewhat responsible for someone dying and angsts all over the place while Kurogane tries to figure Fai out and chases after him to help him (not that he'd ever admit it). Also, I commend you for your use of second person POV, since that's a pretty hard POV to get right but you did well. Great choices, and excellent execution.

3. How much did you enjoy this fic overall? 10
I loved it! Even though it made me so sad for them. You captured the early TRC mindsets and interactions perfectly, and the ending really strikes home with how Fai turns back to his light-hearted mask though Kurogane has seen behind it already. Thank you for your beautiful writing! :D

You're right that Kurogane's level of honesty would make it hard for him to WANT to act like Fai, but I don't think he'd do a terrible job of behaving like him if he really set his mind to it. He learned far more about himself in this story than he learned about Fai, tbh... all he really learned about Fai is that he doesn't know much. What he learned about himself is that he'd like to change that, which is honestly to me a more compelling development.

Having Fai not really learn or grow (as I said in a comment just up above this one) was a really deliberate choice, because Fai is too caught up in himself at this point in the story, and he isn't capable of developing until he gets the slap in the face in Tokyo. I wanted to really highlight the contrast between the two men and the way they deal with intimate knowledge of each other or others and what it means about their characters.

The one thing I went into this fic knowing I wasn't going to include was sex. It works in a comedy piece, but this is very much not a comedy piece. I'm glad you and my other readers have been appreciative of that!

I just want to thank you so much for voting. I really appreciate you taking the time to come here and read and do that for us!

Hello!

The answers to the questions are:
1. 9,0
I'm not entirely sure Kurogane would bother or care enough at this point of the journey to pretend to be Fai. Nevertheless, a very in character portrayal for everyone.
2. 10
I loved the way you wrote the initial feelings and reactions to the bodyswap for, well, both of the guys. It was, in my opinion, very... eh...natural, especially Kuroganes reaction.
3. 10
I enjoyed reading this fic very much. Including other clamp-verse characters made it really seem like part of TRC. And Subaru... poor Subaru.

https://www.fanfiction.net/~elyonmazoku

What I was trying to show, through the fic, is this is the point at which Kurogane realizes he DOES care. My personal belief is that he cared very early on in the series but hadn't found a way to cope with that in himself or express it, and his ability to define his love for this family is something that develops over the course of the series. I was writing this fic as a milestone on that journey.

I'm really really happy that you liked it, overall. Thank you so much for coming and voting, I really appreciate it!

Ahh, what a lovely fic *_* It really is kind of amazing what a different tone you can get from the same idea written two different ways. This was so heavy and serious and sad, and beautiful too. I think my favorite moment of the whole fic was when Kurogane was cooking dinner and he just put himself on autopilot so that Fai's reflexes could wield the knife.

Second favorite was definitely Fai's blatant disbelief that Kurogane could possibly pass for him!

ahahaha, well, obviously you were going into this prompt looking for the humor and not taking it seriously, whereas I was going into it thinking "how the hell would you deal with this if it actually could HAPPEN" and went from there.

srsly tho who would even believe Kurogane could believably pass as Fai, or even want to :P

I enjoyed your fic immensely too, and I have to say my favourite part was probably the "studly stallion of Suwa" scene, just because I kept thinking about how easy it would have been to go that direction in my own story during that scene where Kurogane's trying to decide whether or not to get undressed before bed XDDDDD

Firstly I would like to tell you how much I enjoyed the use of second person. It really added this element of consonance throughout the piece that took it to a whole new level of sadness. Not to mention is was expertly done. Overall it was probably my favorite element to the piece as a whole.

Furthermore, I, for whatever reason, loved the description of Fai's hands through Kurogane's perspective. I suppose it's because I never really considered the lasting effects of Fai's childhood injuries in his adult life. The idea in itself was new and so I really enjoyed reading it because nowadays it's becoming less and less rare to find entirely fresh perspectives. I really appreciate this small detail.

But I guess I am left to wonder how exactly they went about getting Syaoran better. Hopefully it wasn't as difficult or angst filled. :3

It honestly seemed like the only way to write this fic the way I was imagining it, so I'm really glad that you liked it, and I'm especially glad to hear that I was able to pull it off. I was worried about that. >.>

I'm not the one who came up with the idea of Fai having scars on his hands, exactly... Reikah a few years ago came up with the headcanon that his hands might ache in bad weather, and I kind of drew it from that. I really liked having the opportunity to write it into a fic, though, and I think it was an important piece in this story.

Don't worry, fixing Syaoran was almost as easy as breaking him. When the hedge wizard tried to separate Syaoran's soul from his body, he failed miserably and only managed to cut Syaoran's nerve connections. Mokona was able to repair the damage almost instantaneously when she compressed him down into magical code for the next dimension hop!

(reply from suspended user)

HAVE A FLAT TEN and the shards of my broken heart *hugs you forever*

Beautiful and painful, ugh, my heart. Everyone's voices were so good, your Kurogane was perfect, imo. And you blew me away with the POV choice - I usually go *eugh* at second-person POV, but you made it fit amazingly well for this, it was fabulous. (The only tiny quibble I can make is that the ending was a little abrupt and I was hoping to see a more detailed resolution after everyone was back together. I'm not saying so to criticize! Just to explain my vote.)

1. How in-character was this fic? 10
2. How well did this fic handle the trope? 10
3. How much did you enjoy this fic overall? 9.9

OH GOD MY HEART SUBARUUUUUUU WHY WHY WHY WHY gets you a:

10 - 10 - 10

*quickly drive-by votes*

10/10/10

I'm hurting myself even more now by imagining Fai's horror as he realizes later on how well Kurogane knows him, to have been able to pass himself off as Fai.

10-10-9

I think you handled early characterizations so well. We all point to Outo when Kurogane pays a great deal of attention to Fai; but we also must remember Fai leaked quite a lot about his dark baggage in Koryo, which Kurogane picked up on as well.

1. 10 - I loved how Kurogane could barely contain his Kurogane-ness.
2. 10 - The bodyswap happened. It was incredibly dramatic.
3. 10 - I couldn't stop reading.

I AM LEGITIMATELY EXCITED TO BE ABLE TO VOTE FOR THIS MAGNIFICENT FIC JUST BTW

1. How in-character was this fic? 9
2. How well did this fic handle the trope? 10
3. How much did you enjoy this fic overall? 10

1. How in-character was this fic? 9

2. How well did this fic handle the trope? 10
Nice explanation for why the bodyswap happened, and what is happening when they're crossing dimensions.

3. How much did you enjoy this fic overall? 10
I'm not sure if I "enjoyed" it so much as I read it and will now probably think about this for the rest of the day. I think it's less the character death than other details like Fai's hands getting burnt, and you connect it to his earlier scars that Kurogane noticed.

(ningenshiken.tumblr.com)

1. How in-character was this fic? 8
2. How well did this fic handle the trope? 10
3. How much did you enjoy this fic overall? 8

1. How in-character was this fic? 9
2. How well did this fic handle the trope? 10
3. How much did you enjoy this fic overall? 8

1. How in-character was this fic? 7.5
2. How well did this fic handle the trope? 8
3. How much did you enjoy this fic overall? 8

1. How in-character was this fic? 10
2. How well did this fic handle the trope? 10
3. How much did you enjoy this fic overall? 10

This was so well done and hurt in all the best ways.

elaseolvidah.tumblr.com

Feedback tomorrow, I just wanted to get my vote in lightning-fast before the deadline!

10-10-9!

waaaaaaaah i am running out of time before voting deadline but i just want to say that this was fantastic, your second person is flawless, and i loved this even tho it broke my heart??? <333

8-10-9 CRYING FOREVER FAREN! ;_;

1. How in-character was this fic? 10
2. How well did this fic handle the trope? 10
3. How much did you enjoy this fic overall? 10

Hopefully I met the deadline (I am unsure what time zone we needed to follow). I am relatively new to the fandom and was sad I missed last year's competition when I heard about it. I got super sick this year so I don't really feel up to writing in depth reviews right now but I will come back and do that later. For now I will just give my scores.

1. How in-character was this fic? 8
2. How well did this fic handle the trope? 10
3. How much did you enjoy this fic overall? 10

[Team Drama] (Bodyswap) A Hard Soul To Save

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crying a million tears

Re: crying a million tears

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